Saturday, February 28, 2009

I Am…

I am: yet what I am none cares or knows,

My friends forsake me like a memory lost;

I am the self-consumer of my woes,

They rise and vanish in oblivious host,

Like shades in love and death's oblivion lost;

And yet I am! and live with shadows tost

Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,

Into the living sea of waking dreams,

Where there is neither sense of life nor joys,

But the vast shipwreck of my life's esteems;

And even the dearest--that I loved the best--

Are strange--nay, rather stranger than the rest.

I long for scenes where man has never trod;

A place where woman never smiled or wept;

There to abide with my creator, God,

And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept:

Untroubling and untroubled where I lie;

The grass below--above the vaulted sky.

© John Clare (1793 - 1864)

The Northamptonshire Peasant Poet.

Trial of the Heart…

It is a sin I can’t deny
I openly declare that I’m guilty
There is no doubt I’ve committed the crime
Of loving you completely.
Put me in front of the jury
And I’ll stand tall and proud
And with my fingers spread on my soul
I’ll declare my feelings aloud.
The hardest thing to govern is the heart
And mine pays no heed to the law
So it must be punished – must be corrected
So strike me to the floor.
They can burn me with flame, they can cut me with steel
They can hang me by the throat
They can run me through with their sharpest swords
But by heart will still rejoice and gloat.
Because, in the end, my heart will win
And because you’ll never be by my side
My heart has no reason for beating at all –
Would rather be still and keep pride.
So put and end to this fruitless, true love
Shoot a bullet through my soul
And when they tell you why I lie cold and silent
My heart will have achieved its goal.

© Kez WtD forum.

Two by Louise D WtD forum….


It's just a box
A boring dark empty box
Brown and Motionless
Raw and Pointed
Easily broken, heard to repair
There is only so much damage it can take.
However, when you look close enough,
You see it is not just a box.
It's your heart
Soaking up wet tears
Decaying with time
Each beat becoming weaker,
each day it gets older
- wearing away.
Just like a cardboard box out in the rain.


If I was perfect - would I be loved more?
Or will jealously succumb others?
Perfection is something we all want - isn't it?
I mean in this world we all wish we could find it
but does it exist as in our hearts, we all have a perception
Beauty and perfection could be so many things
Is it just about looks or about what is inside?
Maybe perfection is a combination of both?
Would that be true perfection?
But can the self arrogance or beauty and perfection
make the girl a bitch deep done inside,
There for does it contradict the idea of perfection?
Sometimes someone's view of perfection is just someone else's view of damn right ugly

© Louise D 2008

Thinking About You by ~ BluAtum

As you can tell this is not written by me, I just wanted to post this as I thought it was a brilliant; well written short story.

Hope you enjoy"!

Author's Comments

I was thinking of you and listening to the rain. you give me my best inspiration and I love you so much. This never happened, but it just shows that I care about you a lot. I hope you don't mind.


I felt a tug on my shoulders as he pulled my in from the window ledge. The rain was coming down monotonously and I was sticking my head out to enjoy some of it. He pulled my away from my post and sat me down on the edge of his bed; hair dripping slowly and mascara running. A slight crooked grin tugged at his lips and he bit back a chuckle. I smiled up at him like a five year old girl who did steal the cookie from the cookie jar. I playfully grabbed hold of his shirt as he was turning and drew him close.

“Now I’m cold.” I whispered and giggled in his ear. He shifted his eyes curiously as though he couldn’t locate something. Stooping over, he picked up a dark blue shirt. The sleeves were long and made of a soft cotton substance as most clothes were. With out a statement he put his hands on my hips, then to the rim of my saturated t-shirt and pulled upward.
I sat on his bed in my black lace bra, his favourite, and looked up to him excepting something to happen. To my disappointment, he just yanked the other shirt over my head and sat next to me. Hiding my disapproval, I inhaled deeply the new fabric restricting my body. This scent was only too familiar. The long sleeves covered my hands and I tried to pull them up but, lose as they were, they kept slipping.

“I can fix it, stop fidgeting.” To my surprise he didn’t roll them up. In one swift inhuman move, the shirt flew over my head and to the floor. Before it even came close to touching the ground, he was on top of me.
“You can’t think that wearing that bra wouldn’t get you anywhere tonight.” He chuckled. I gave him a confused smile and he just kissed my confusion away.
“I’m still cold, love.” I teased. So, to my expectance, he unzipped my jeans and pulled them down my smooth legs. Thank goodness I had shaved them this morning.

“Body heat is the best heat,” he teased back, “So let’s warm you up.”
His shirt came off quickly and I had no trouble losing the pants. His willingness to comply made it all the more easier, no doubt. He was still on top of me as the clothes hit the floor; he leaned down just enough so that our noses touched. His gaze always sent chills down my back but never enough for me to shiver. This feeling was remarkable; the feeling of his heat scorching into my skin and mixing with my own. My eyes fixated on his and we held our expressions the same. “I love you” was all over his face and I’m sure that’s all my expression read, as well.

“I love you, Morgan.”

Sunday, February 22, 2009

I am Special... the nice Doctor said so!

So, for those of you that have just “come across” this blog page none of this will really make much sense, so feel free to kick back with a beer (or whatever your poison is) chill out and “enjoy” the ride first hand... it’ll be fun for you to see me squirm and you’ll all be safe in the knowledge that YOUR life will never be this bad...

For those of you that know me, sorry first and foremost... I know it is a little bit of a rollercoaster ride with me, but at least I am serving the very useful purpose of being a stark warning about how you will turn out if you are not careful.

Anyways, the reason for this very honest and open post is something I have been thinking about for the past few weeks now. There are certain reasons for it, and I hope/trust that they will become clear before the end of this. Most of you will know that I am one to hide the real me behind jokes and comments that are not always how I actually feel, which I guess is why (in some sort of strange way) why I feel like I need to explain.

You will also know that sometimes I tend to speak before thinking, I would like to say that it is not something I do often but everyone would know that is not the case! I also have this great (or not so depending on how you look at it) ability for foot~in~mouth disease, where I tend to open my big mouth and put both feet in; normally right up to the ankles!

I would like to blame anything or should that be everything on “other things;” like friends giving me wrong advice or not thinking about it before I click that send/post button! However, the truth is, I am I think an adult; (I am an adult? When did that happen and how do I stop it?) and as such I need to take responsibility for my actions. I make way too many mistakes and get too much wrong, for all my good qualities (and I know there are a few of them) simply put; I am an idiot sometimes. I am sorry.

In closing I would like to just say to my friends, family, colleagues and enemies; I get it wrong sometimes... sorry and all that jazz! Thank you also for sticking with me!! I will TRY to sort it out, promise!!! And Mr. Tony Clarke, please check your e-mail inbox when you have a moment; thank you.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

My Soul’s Desire.

One day you will take my heart completely and make it more fiery than a dragon.

Your eyelashes will write on my heart the poem that could never come from the pen of a poet.

Thank you. For everything. I love you.

I will wait forever to be that special girl in your arms.

I know you could make me happy.

I know I can find true love & happiness in those arms of yours.

I know that you will and can love me.

What Would You Do?

What do you do when the day goes by?

And you sit in your room and all you do is cry?

What do you do when you see him there

Kissing her without a care?

What do you do when you call his phone

And you’re waiting for an answer all alone?

What do you do when you've played his game

And all you can feel is pain?

What do you do when you give him your heart

And he gives it back all torn apart?

What do you do when smiles go away

And everything changes in just one day......

What do you do when the one you love doesn’t love you?

Thank You!

Thank you for always being there,

To listen and understand me.

I appreciate all you did for me,

And all you still do.

Thank you for making me feel whole again,

For putting my pieces back together.

I appreciate you putting my life back together,

You saved my life.

You may not understand,

Why I do what I do.

But you never criticized,

You just helped my through.

I knew I could come to you when I was down,

'cause I knew you'd always be there

To pick me back up

And say everything will be ok.


You excite me; ignite a passion in me that I thought had long since died.

You are infectious; I am unable to break this spell you have cast over me.

You allow me to feel alive when I really should not, maybe that is the problem?

I feel like I belong, like I have found the one to make my life complete.

But with these feelings comes confusion, a questioning and longing.

My broken weak feeble heart longs for a love of my own, a true love that will never hurt me and always stay.

You make me believe in the impossible, a fairytale happy ending that I know I will never be able to experience in reality.

I want to run and hide, I want to scream and shout that life is so bloody unfair.

But what would be the point in that? No one would ever listen anyway!

Blaming me for something that maybe I cannot control.

I know I am too broken to be fixed anyway, so why would you (or anyone for that matter) wish to stay around me?

I am too screwed up, have too much baggage ~ how can I expect anyone to stay let alone love me?

I know you are different, the way you have treated me so far alerts me to that fact.

But even you would be unable to fix this, what would you ever see in me anyway?

Yes I know I am nice and kind with a big heart, but it still will not change things would it?

Maybe I am not nice enough or maybe I am just too nice, whatever the reason I know I will never find that “peace” within me I need so much.

Maybe it is me that needs to fix it, I suspect that it is.

But how can I fix something I am unable to get closure on? I’m having a hard enough time with a nice guy like you, I have no hope with someone like “HIM” would I now?

There are way too many things I wish that I could change, fix, say and indeed do; but I guess I am not the only one am I?

Who do I talk to when I need help like this, can’t talk to family and friends are not always the best help!

And there is no way I can talk with you about this is there? That would be one hell of an interesting conversation wouldn’t it?

I am reluctant to talk with Dr’s and what have you, I guess I am scared they’ll confirm that I really am nuts!

Maybe I just need the strength to finally run away; I know that should say “fight” but I have never been good at fighting have I? It always seems easier to run away doesn’t it?

Perhaps it is going to take me breaking down completely before I finally “deal with it…” Maybe I’ll be stronger in the long run… if I ever get that far of course!