Monday, January 26, 2009

A Dream About You?

I have this dream about you, well to be honest it is more about “us” rather than anything else; but I guess you already knew that right. I am not going to lie and tell you that you are the only man I have thought about in this way, nor am I going to tell you that you are the one; we both know that most of that would be false. I have too much respect for you to lie to you; I would never forgive myself if I were not one hundred per cent honest with you.

However, the one thing that seems to be different about my dreams is you! You seem to haunt them constantly, always present like an old faithful memory or guardian angel. But it is not just that though is it, I mean never before in my life have my dreams ever seemed so; well real. When I close my eyes, it is as if I can feel you standing there right in front of me. And maybe that is where all these problems are coming from, maybe this is why I cannot be around you too long anymore; maybe this is the reason we cannot do the friend thing.

Maybe I am afraid, yeah that is it; I am afraid. Afraid that you will see though me, through my act; afraid that you will read my feelings. You were always good at that; always able to see through the fa├žade that is my life. All the times I spent trying to hide and you easily saw through it, and I would always wonder how you managed it. I guess I am afraid of the answers if I asked that question you always made me feel like I could ask, maybe I am better off not knowing.

You told me that I did not need to run or act, you taught me to look out for the simple things in life and that those trials in life would only make me stronger. But I am not as strong or as positive as you, I have been through too much to start believing that it will all be okay in the end. Not that I do not want things to be okay, I am tired of things not being okay. You gave me some belief that things would be okay, you must have known that your kind words would make me fall.

I spend many a match thinking about you, if I was being honest it is not just match days I think about you. You seem to be in my dreams and thoughts every single day, but whatever the case; your kindness makes me fall even more. So in honesty it is not that hard to see why this dream happened, I guess the only thing that is hard to understand; well for me anyway, is why it was not real. The thoughts and memories were so clear and so strong that I have no idea where reality starts and make believe ends, maybe this is the problem in the end; maybe this is why I must leave.

Blankly I stare at the letter in my hands, I must have done this for the past thirty minutes; but in all honesty it only seems like a few seconds. Everything in my mind is screaming at me to rip the letter up and walk away, most of my friends had already warned me of this; begging me to just let it drop. But as was always my way, I just needed to get closure on things; I could not just walk away. There would always be that little part of me that wondered; what if... and that part would always be the ruling factor in anything I did, I just knew it.

In my dreams I am sat at the same bar with the same letter in my hands, but as I close my eyes I know my dream is going to be different; it always is. In my mind you have always had feelings for me, but due to the being married bit and never knowing I felt the same; could never (or rather would never) say anything to me. In my dreams, somehow you become separated etc. Yes, I know that sucks and I know I am probably being hypocritical there; but I am not perfect... even in my dreams!

For some reason, either you have confronted me or I have decided to finally say something to you. I do not even remember how I tell you, let alone when I tell you; but all I know is that one minute I am struggling to tell you and the next you have kissed me! Okay I know it is daft, but I know that I am sat here blushing slightly as the thoughts of kissing you passes though my mind. I feel like a lovesick teenager with a schoolgirl crush as I think of your first tender touches, my mind enjoying the fact I know you will be a gentleman.

Despite the beard your lips are soft and tender, you kiss me slowly and gently; not wanting to force me but not wishing to stop either. From my point of view I feel like my hands are not doing the right thing, just there on the end of my arms; not really sure where to go. In your case I suspect that it is more the case of not wanting to be anything but a gentleman towards me, see even in my dreams you are the ever-thoughtful gentleman! Eventually though both our hands settle upon the other’s body, one of my hands in the back of your hair and the other would be softly stroking your cheek.

You would have your hands on my waist, slowly pulling me closer to you; not caring that we are in a packed bar on a Saturday night or that our colleagues have been struck into silence. Your hands would softly caress my sides, alerting me to the fact you did not want to stop; of course I would not stop you... I was; am in love with you, why would I want to stop you? Finally after what seems like forever we break away, instantly I know you are feeling the passion and arousal; much the same as I myself am feeling. To this day I will never understand how I can actually taste your kisses, maybe it is because I have been close to kissing your lips... whatever the reason I do not know if I will ever experience anything so emotional in my life.

Within seconds of our lips parting I am feeling like a lovesick teenager once more, but this time I know you are feeling the same. Neither of us really talking just grinning like the cat that got the cream, standing there in silence and not realising that our colleagues and most the bar are now watching us intently. Suddenly we can feel their eyes upon us and much like me you begin to feel a little embarrassed by it all, there is a look in your eyes that I quickly understand. And taking my hand in yours and we quickly head out of the bar and to your car, in the clubs car park.

The second we leave the bar we are laughing, this becomes even louder as we soon realise that the rain; which was only spitting before is now falling heavily. Even though your car is nearby we get soaked and are soon almost in fits of laughter as we reach the comfort of your dry car, sliding into the back seat almost without thinking. Even though we are attracted to each other, I know that I do not have to worry about you being a gentleman in the back seat. Besides we are too busy laughing to actually notice where we are, by the time we have we are already in a more than slightly intimate position; with our arms around each other and our lips so close I can still taste you.

As I toy with my drink I am almost unaware of everything else in the bar, enjoying where my dreams take me too much. I do not notice the “scuffle” that is taking place across the bar from me and I do not see you walking into the bar either, the only thing I am acutely aware of is the letter in my hands still. As my dream takes me where it will I continue to blankly stare at the letter in my hands, almost unaware that you have smiled at me; but strangely though I have seemingly smiled back. As you head for my side the kerfuffle seems to sweep you along with it, which is the moment I become aware of you fully; leaving my dreams behind for a moment or two. As I begin to watch you I notice things I would not have normally seen.

As you play peacemaker I cannot help smile at your calming nature, you are such a gentleman that it would be only a matter of time before I fall for you. There are a couple and the guy was seemingly getting rather abusive towards his female companion, I can see that you are intent on defending her honour and will not allow her to be bullied or pushed around. I watch as you do the “calm down” gesture to the guy and smile towards the woman, there are other staff around and they take your lead and help to calm things down. As you all talk, my mind takes me back to my dreams; thankful that I have a few moments to still enjoy them.

There is a moment between us in the back of your car that neither of us could mistake; there is a softness in your eyes and smile that says all we need to say. Softly you caress my cheek, pulling me close softly as we kiss once more. The passion is hard to deny as the moment takes us where it will, neither of us seem sure about where we will end up; just that it will never be wrong. Even though the passion between us is on a high, I know that there is no pressure upon me to spend the night with you. I guess that is one of the things I love about you, I never feel like I HAVE TO do anything with you.

“Hey Nicky, are you okay?” Your words bring me from my dream, although I may want to continue with it I am glad you are there. Smiling back, I nod and tell you I am fine. I somehow manage to hold a fairly decent conversation with you, talking as if we have known each other for years instead of the six or so months we have done. While we are talking I never think about you in that way, not sure why; maybe I do actually want to talk with you! However, as soon as there is a decent amount (just what IS a decent amount anyway) of silence between us; my mind wanders very quickly back to my dream.

Very quickly I find myself in the backseat of your car once more and again we are passionately kissing, the image of it is so strong and powerful I am certainly you can read my mind; and as I blush deeply I know that it will not be long before you find me out. I can feel your tender touch on my thighs and then on my waist, I can feel the softness of your beard as your lips send my emotions spiralling almost out of control. The strength of these feelings are almost as if you were actually doing them to me, it was so clear that I had to secretly pinch myself to make sure it was a dream. I knew I should speak and try to clear my mind, but truth was that it felt just too good to stop thinking about you.

I must have been blushing so much that as soon as you had noticed I could sense the change in you and your smile, you are now studying me so intently I can feel your eyes upon me; if I did not know you better I would have said undressing me with those sexy blue eyes. But of course I do know better, I know that in reality my dreams can never come to light; and I guess that is what ultimately made my mind up to go. In my dreams you have pulled back for a moment and are softly caressing my cheek, your eyes intently looking deep into my own. In reality you have been watching me intently, you had already noticed the letter in my hands and how I cannot stop toying with it.

“My pretty Angel…” You softly whisper, it sounds so real to me; almost as if you have spoken to me in reality. And this is where my reality and dreams seem to blur together, for a split second I can only stare blankly at you; saying nothing that will give me away. But the one thing I am aware of is that you have taken the letter from me and being to read its contents, within seconds the thoughts that have haunted me so long come flooding back to me.

“Please…” Is all I can say, though truth be told I have no idea what I am actually asking you to do. With one soft smile I know that it is alright, I suddenly feel a calmness washing over me; nodding I turn my attention back to my thoughts.

Although I am in the back seat of your car and staring into your eyes my mind places me somewhere altogether different, we are stood in the Guildhall; in front of our family and friends about to pledge our eternal love for one another. Thoughts of our first night flash though my mind, it was warm loving and passionate to say the least. Pictures of the first time we met each others families are joined by the first time I went to the football with you as your partner, I can still see the look upon Stonhill’s face as I walked into the room on your arm; it was as if he was jealous and regretful that he let me go.

I can see the many nights we had laughed in my mind, how you called me every day and never once let me go without a loving hug and kiss every time we had to go anywhere. I can see our first Christmas together and how you made it the best time ever, even your first gift to me has me almost in tears; you always said it was nothing but it meant everything to me. But as my mind has me stood waiting to marry the man of my dreams my mind is still focusing upon the moment you asked me to marry you, as I would have expected it; you made it perfect.

We had been seeing each other for six months and in your mind it was six months too long, you would always say you knew you wanted to marry me the first moment you laid eyes upon me; in truth I would have married you then if you had asked. You had invited me to the clubs Christmas do, held at Fawsley Hall in Daventry. It was not our first night away together but it was certainly one of the most important, it was our first time away with the club as a couple. I knew right from the moment we stepped out of the car that you had something in mind, it was as if you were mentally taking note of everything; making sure it was what you wanted.

For a split second I hear you sigh out loud deeply, making me all too well aware that you had understood my letter. As my mind is brought abruptly from my dream back to reality I can tell by the look in your eye that you are torn, I know you want to be the nice kind gentleman that I respect you for; but I also know you have no choice but to tell me to leave you alone.

“Nicky…” Is all you can say as you sigh deeply, looking away for a moment as I lower my head; not wanting to see my already sealed fate coming true. I know that if I stay much longer my tears will start to fall, I also know I will not be able to stop them from falling. I want to think about my dream, I want to pretend like everything is alright and you are with me; of course I know this is far from the actual truth.

My heart is already breaking as I hear you sigh deeply again, I know that it will not hold out for much longer. So I take the best course of action I can and run, mumbling some sort of apology I rush for the exit; no looking back as my tears begin to fall. I never thought I would be going though this pain again, I always thought I would have learnt with the Stonhill thing; but of course the moment I began to think about you in that way I knew this was on the cards. I had only just got outside and round the corner before my tears began to flow thick and fast, sinking to my knees I never saw you stood there watching me; the only time I was aware was when your arms pulled me close into that solid frame of yours. Instantly you felt my body tighten with fear, and almost as instantly you soothed my fears away; softly stroking my hair and shushing my tears.

“It’s okay sweetheart, its okay…” You softly say, seemingly not wanting to let go of me. There is a comfortable silence between us that I was not prepared for, I was not planning on you being so; well nice! But in truth that was all you wasn’t it? That is the one thing more than anything else that I loved about you, you were ~ are such a nice guy. Trust you to be so bloody nice about me falling for you! I thought to myself, trying not to snort out loud as I tried to keep my laughing inside. I was torn inside, part of me wanting to talk about things but part of me just wanting to stay like this and get back to my dreams.

When the silence continued, I assumed you had given me the choice to talk or not; so talking the opportunity handed to me I settled down further into your arms and went back into my dreams for as long as I could. Your eyes say so much as we continue to just look into each other’s eyes, but I can tell that your mind is somewhere lost in a dream; just like my own. My mind takes me back to the first night of the party, we had dance and laughed all night; neither wanting that night to ever end. I could tell that you had something on your mind as each time I made a move to head back to our room you found an excuse to wait a little while, at first I assumed it was nerves on your part; until the moment you asked I had no idea you were about to ask me to marry you.

After what seemed like the fiftieth time of trying to go back to our room, I had to say something to you. It was expected and I should have known by the look in your eyes what you were planning, as you watched me launch into this speech I was not prepared to give you would be trying not to burst out laughing.

“... so come on, out with it; what’s the matter?” I say as I watch you give up all hope and begin to laugh uncontrollably, holding you sides as you see my face change.

“What is it, what’s so funny?” I ask, almost pleading with you to let me in on your secret. I see you take a deep breath, as if you were planning what to say; then looking into my eyes you sigh and speak.

“Marry me please? I love you.” Although I am shocked, I can tell by the look in your eye that you are serious.

Within moments I too have joined in your laughter, holding my sides to ease the stitch I know is about to form. I want to tease you back but the look in your eyes makes that impossible, smiling softly I turn and head back to our room; you must know my answer is certain to be yes as you follow without question. Within seconds of the door closing to our room your lips were upon mine in the most passionate of kisses, the kisses seemed to not only blend into one another but also astound me. I am not sure if your kisses were to convince me or because you thought I may say no, (can’t say no if your mouth is full can you) but whatever the reason I am so taken away by them that I can literality feel my legs giving way underneath me.

In my mind I can see the night progressing, your soft tender touch slowly creating a whirlwind of emotions that I would never be able to deny. Your kisses delighting me and awakening something in me I thought had long since died; it was something that would stay with me forever and in reality too! I would always be totally overwhelmed by the very real dream like emotions of that night, they would be that much stronger than any other I had or will ever experience in my life.

“Yes by the way Tony, the answer is yes!” I finally manage to say as you are poised to enter me and make my possession complete, smiling there is no need for any further words as you slowly fill me to the hilt; loving where these moments are taking us.

“Nicky... are you okay sweetheart?” Your voice is soft warm and tender, I can tell instantly that your words are genuine. I pull back slightly allowing my head to leave the safe confines of your chest, all I can do is shrug my shoulders. I want to say something; anything but I know the words will not come out, I try but they get stuck in the back of my throat. In a moment of sheer clarity, my dreams become my reality; as you gently take my face into your big strong hands.

“It is okay sweetheart, I know... I have always known.” Was all I needed to hear from you, your ever-soothing voice quelling a fear I never saw until it had gone.

One moment I am trying not to cry, the next my soul is being soothed by your soft touch on my cheeks. Without another word you quickly but gently move forward and close the gap between our lips, after a seconds hesitation your lips claim my own in the most tender of kisses. It does not take me long to get lost in the moment and kiss you back, there is a longing desire in your kiss that even I am aware of. Our passionate moment seems to last forever, your hands softly caressing my waist as you pull me gently closer to you. I am almost clinging to you as one of my hands is gripping onto the lapel of your jacket, while my other hand is softly stroking your cheek.

In my mind I am torn between thinking about your kisses and my dream, reality now completely blurred with fantasy. In my dream we are tenderly making love, wrapt in each other’s love and passion. Our bodies are entwined, the passion we are experiencing is taking my breath away. In reality your kisses are setting my soul on fire, making me more than a little aware that you do not want to stop. In my dream we have both reached the point of no return, as you move quicker inside of me now; I wrap my quivering body to yours tighter. As we come together in an explosion of emotions I call out your name, hearing you do the same as you tell me you love me.

As the realness of your words hit me I begin to cry, not because you have hurt me but because I never thought anyone could love me as much. In reality I had no idea that my tears had begun to fall again, the first real clue I have is when you pull away suddenly; looking at me with concern. For a moment I am unaware, as well as confused by the blurred lines of reality and fantasy.

“Sweetheart?” Is all you need to say as I softly smile and go to wipe my tears, stopping me you dry my tears as you softly caress my cheeks.

“I.. I… I love you!” I finally manage to say, still not one hundred per cent sure if I am doing let alone saying the right thing. But as you softly smile and pull me closer into your tender embrace, any fears I have all disappear.

“I know, I have always known sweetheart.” You begin to say as I bury my head into your chest, allowing my tears to soak through your shirt.

“Baby girl, the feelings are more than mutual...” You continue to say, feeling my body stiffen in your arms; you know your next words need to be clear.

“I love you Nicky, I have done for a long time...” You say softly, tenderly kissing the top of my head; praying that I will relax into your arms.

“Tony?” Is all I can say as I lift my head slightly, trying to understand what you have just told me.

Softly caressing my cheek you sigh deeply, looking into my eyes as you smile. There is a look in them that tells me you mean what you say, there is something in them that says I need not be scared anymore. I can tell you want to say something, but when it doesn’t come I begin to wonder if telling you how I felt was a good idea. Within seconds any fear that may have been coming back is quickly put to rest as you kiss me once more, this time there is a hunger and desire even I am aware of; I know that you want me as much as I want you.

“What do you think Nicky?” Staring at Pete and Trisha blankly for a few moments I realise I have just missed pretty much the first half of the football, forty five minutes of a match that was; if the score line was anything to go by, exciting... and I missed it.

“Huh?” I manage to say, as I try to clear my head and find something; anything to take my mind off you.

“I said what do you think about helping me with this web article, what’s wrong with you?” Pete said he smiled, seemingly aware that my mind had been elsewhere.

“Erm, yeah sure thing...” I say, trying not to blush; thankful that you are not there to make things worse.

“I am sure that your Director friends could help you out too, what do you think Mr. Clarke?” Pete said, looking past me and not seeing how my jaw dropped; oh how I wish the ground would open up wide and swallow me whole! I am afraid to turn round and face you, I know that the moment I do you will see my desire through my eyes; I was not sure if I was ready for that yet.

“I would be only too happy to help; Nicky knows I would do anything for her...” Your honest words warm my soul as I slowly turn to face you, trying to smile. All my mind can think about is how not to break the seemingly collected exterior I have, while my heart is seemingly doing cartwheels and somersaults inside of me.

What happens, in reality takes only a few moments; but seems to take a lifetime for me. The second I catch your smiling eyes, I know that you can see through my act. As your eyes study me I can tell by the change in your own eyes that you have understood, and in that split second I know my fate is already sealed; I know that I have no other choice left open to me now but to run. And just as I am about to turn away and accept that my life is over, you do something that is not only strange but also very out of character.

You wink at me as you begin to explain just why you would do anything for me, not only shocking anyone that would listen but also myself.

“Nicky knows how much I think of her, don’t you sweetheart?” As I sort of try and answer, you can tell by my struggling that you should continue.

“You must know by now that I love you Nicky?” You said matter-of-factly, as if it was no big deal. Had I had a drink in my hands, it would now be all over the floor. Pretty much like my, and those around us jaws were.

I had to pinch myself to check to see if I was dreaming again, when I realised I was not all I could do was stand there and stare blankly at you; it was all so surreal and like something out of a film. My heart wanted this all to be true, but of course I knew inside this was not going to happen; after all I never got that fairytale happy ending did I... In honesty all I could really do for the next forty plus minutes of the match was stare blankly at you, you were talking away about how you felt about me. But in all honesty I never heard a word of it, I was not even thinking about being with you. I was just speechless I guess, seemingly too shocked to think straight.

Before too long there is a loud buzzing noise ringing very close to my ear, part of me is thankful for some normality. But by far the bigger part of me is pissed off good and proper, and; as if I needed reminding, very frustrated... sighing deeply, I yawn and stretch as I try to wake myself up; not that I really wish too of course. I would much rather be back in my dream fantasyland, where my life is how I want it to be; not how it really actually is! With the constant ringing in my ears I throw the alarm clock over to the other side of the room with force, more than a little aware that I am probably about to have the day from hell. And as soon as I have read my text, I know it will be the day from hell.

My two best friends almost demanding I meet them after I had been to college, it was not that I did not want to see my friends; but the fact that for the past three months they have not been around had kinda pissed me off. My day is pretty normal considering all that my overactive imagination had been through, which is why when you called me toady I was not prepared and my defences down. Before I even realised it I was already walking into the bar looking for you, and there you were; larger than life holding a conversation with me. And try as I might I am torn between telling you I love you and just leaving it, of course I cannot tell you this can I? This has to stay in my mind, as part of my dream; after all a dream of you is a good thing to keep hold of.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Her Perfect Gentleman.

Too many years of heartache leave her hurting. He offers her kindness and friendship, not realising she will fall. A goodbye letter or a letter to say I love you? Fact or Fiction? You choose!

All characters and ideas are copyright to Nicky D Sarti 2009.

With an obvious passion the hero swept his beautiful girlfriend off her feet and carried her off into the sunset to live happily ever after… and this was my problem ~ fairytale happy endings. All well and good in the Land of Make Believe but in the real world things like that just did not happy, well not to me anyway! I was always, or so it seemed to me destined to be that crazy old lady who ended up living in the spooky house on the hill; surrounded by cats and smelling of pee!

It was something I had come to terms with somewhat, aware that my life would never be like that “in the movies.” Being honest I hated the idea that my life would end without anyone by my side, and I know it was slightly selfish of me to “want” all the time (what with a wonderful family and all) but my heart longed for a real honest love. The kind that was in the fairytales, the kind that would last forever and never let you down or make you cry. In short I wanted an old fashioned romantic gentleman that was a white Knight in shining armour.

For goodness knows how many years of my life I had these self same feelings of defeat, I was 24 years old before I found some form of love; and even then it was not necessarily the good kind. I admit that getting a crush on a married chairman of my local football club was probably not the best idea I had ever had, nor was the fact that I seemingly just could not get the picture that he was not interested in me. While my head (I think) and my friends all told me better, my heart seemingly told me that I was in love with this very wrong man. I felt things I had never felt before, believed that the guy I saw was the “real deal” and not the one others said he was.

I guess I thought that because he was so far out of my league he would somehow be better socially for me, not that I can honestly say I understand that. I wanted a guy that to be honest would have made me feel stupid, and this was the last thing that I needed. I would have always felt out of place and uncomfortable with him, and for my unconfident low self esteemed fragile heart it would not have been a good thing. After getting my heart totally torn apart and broken into little bits, I wisely made the choice to try move on with my life. I still haven’t got “closure” on that part of my life and doubt that I ever shall, but at least I am trying to move on!

And then at 31 years old I met you!!! Well that’s strictly not true; we had known each other for sometime through the football, but only spoke in passing. And then, after countless other problems in my life I called for help and you replied. You were so kind to me and empathetic to my plight, never rushing me and seemingly genuinely concerned in my problems. And of course that was where my problems started; actually to be honest it was the time after we met in town that was the problem!

I want to blame my bloody hormones or those damn wallpapered walls; hell I’ll even blame the dang gold covered bin if it helped me to understand. All I know is one moment you were just that nice ex MP that helped me out and the next I was thinking things that are probably illegal in 15 Countries, would quiet possible shock my mother (and you) and thinking how much I would like to bang your brains out… see I told you I should blame the damned gold bin! When I bumped into you later the same day it took all I had not to beg you to bang me senseless, which would have been satisfying but would have ruined our friendship!

I don’t know if it was one certain thing or if it was just a matter of time and our seemingly “getting closer” friendship. Whatever it was I found myself thinking about you more and more, not to mention feeling better about not just myself but also my situation; somehow young man you have managed to get through to me, I’m just not sure if it is because I fancy you so much… I am still reluctant to call it love, as in truth I could not say for certain it was/is. I mean how can I be falling in love or even in love with a person that I cannot be with. In truth I don’t even know you that well really do I?

But there are times when I feel that you are the love of my life, and yes I know that sounds daft; but it is true. You make me feel wanted with a compliment or nice word, you seemingly have the same type of morals and beliefs I have. You say the right things, and seemingly do the right things also. How could I not fall when you are so bloody, well; nice!?! And while we are at it, you have such stunning eyes; and yes they make me go all “gooey” when I look in them! You have a beautiful smile and a handsome face. It makes me smile when you call yourself old, there are 14 years between us and when I am with you I feel anything BUT old; I feel like I could actually do that running jumping thingy people do when they are in love!

So here’s my problem with life, you are making me feel things I had not prepared or planned for. You make me feel as though even if I DID fall for you, it would be okay; heck I feel that if I happened to TELL you it would still be okay! You are so nice, you make me believe in that fairytale happy ending I deeply want so much; I can almost see your armour shining each time we meet or talk! So here is the crux of the matter, what on earth do I do about this? I am not foolish (well maybe a little bit) enough to believe that I will actually ever get my fairytale happy ending with you...

But that does not make it any easier to stop or explain does it really; I mean it isn’t fair when the only guy you think can make you happy is the one that will, ultimately have to hurt you! Let’s be honest with each other, you are a truly nice guy and will seemingly stand for a fair amount; but even you will have a limit. Otherwise this is going to end up in a very different way isn’t it? Even you will end up getting pissed off with me and will end up (not matter how nicely) telling me to get lost, which will nevertheless hurt me! So as you can see, just leaving it is more than likely going to end up as a problem.

But then telling you I like you a lot more than I should also has more than a few problems of its own doesn’t it, I mean it isn’t like an easy conversation is it? It isn’t like I could just drop it into our conversations, even if I had the guts! Nice thing to talk about in front of your wife hey? And I won’t even attempt the “post on facebook” thing! It all seems to be a battle I cannot win, I would hate to embarrass you firstly; but also myself. Which again cuts down the times we can talk, phone calls or text messages are just tacky aren’t they? And I have been down the “letter” route, that didn’t really work out too well for me either! Besides, I think you deserve better than some faceless letter... she says as she types a “letter” to you!

But there is another way... I sound like flipping nationwide ad there don’t I? I am not sure I want to go down this line though; it is a big thing and something I have thought about before. When things have been seriously bad, it is something that has crossed my mind more than once and (even if just at that time) had seemed like a good idea. But (and it’s a big but) it also comes with its own problems, namely loosing everything so quickly. So in essence do I say nothing and risk the fact that it will (in most cases) get worse, (I’ll only end up falling more and making an ass of myself) say something and risk losing your friendship (and possibly hurting you) or walk away.

Admittedly walking away does seem a good option, but I will lose your safety net of friendship very quickly; which is why I am reluctant to walk away. Your friendship has without a shadow of a doubt been a Godsend to me, at times you have calmed me; and at others made me much happier about everything. I guess that is part of an on going problem isn’t it. I tend to attach myself to someone (and usually the wrong ones) and hate the thought of letting go! I am sorry, not for how I feel or our friendship, which I doubt I will ever regret. But I am sorry for, what my father calls being “clingy,” I know that it must be a burden to you; especially when I bug you so much... for that I am truly sorry.

After reading this back a few times I guess I have seemingly already made that choice, I know that it will only turn out to be a bad idea if I stay. I know that you will get annoyed of me and fed up, I’d like to go before it got to that; I hope it hasn’t got to that... I hope you will forgive me for doing things this way, at the time the “fictional story” about some girl and the perfect gentleman she wishes for seemed like the best option. I hope you won’t be too mad at me, and just in case you even thought about needing to ask; I am well aware that you are married. (So I can promise no declarations of undying love from me!)

In truth I would give everything I had for things to go back to normal when you were just some nice ex MP that I hardly noticed, but then I would still be in the depths of a mind numbing depression that would be too hard for me to fight alone and get out of. Before I forget, once again thank you for that; it really DOES (or should that be did?) mean the world to me. I guess all that I need now is a fitting ending right? Could be tricky seeing as I don’t believe I get that fairytale happy ending! And let’s be honest this isn’t exactly a fairytale is it now? If it was, maybe I would be running off into the sunset with my Knight in shining armour; but as you can see I am not...) so how about this?

There is this handsome young man who is just the sweetest, kindest, nice perfect gentlemen you could ever wish to meet. He is like a Knight in shining armour, more than willing to help out and always seemingly there. A man who gives you something to fight for, who fights for those that have lost their voices and makes you feel safe with just one hug. A man full of experience and valuable advice, but not above cracking a smile and joke with the best of them. Despite his protests, to me he will ALWAYS be young, alive and FULL of life; someone who can teach me so much without me even realising it.

There are a million reasons why he is the perfect guy, but seemingly only one why he cannot be my Knight in shining armour; and I guess that’s the hardest thing of all. To know you have to walk away is something that will break a fragile (already broken) heart, and while I know that “it” will hurt like heck; I also know that “it” will be okay, I am going to be stronger; thanks to...

(You!)

Monday, January 12, 2009

I Love The Way.

I love the way you make me laugh,
The way you make me smile.
The way you hold me close to you,
And kiss me for a while.

I love the way you support me,
Even if you disagree,
You never turn your back on me,
You're always there for me.

I love the way you look at me,
It makes my knees weak,
The love and glow in your eyes,
Makes it hard for me to speak.

I love the way you love me how I am,
How I shouldn't loose a pound,
I'm sooooooo lucky to have you,
You're the best man around.

I love the way you're protective,
It shows me that you care,
Without you around to protect me,
Life would be unfair

I love the way we can sit around,
And not say a thing,
We have a special bond,
Who knows what the future will bring????.

I love the way we are different people,
Our likes are not the same,
Some of the things that I like,
You probably think is lame

I love the way you cheer me up,
Especially when I'm sad,
And even when we get in fights,
We never stay mad.

I love the way we fall asleep,
Holding each other tight,
With you being apart of my life,
Everything just seems so right.

I love the way you love me,
And the love we share,
I know this is true,
And nothing can even compare.

I love the way we love each other,
And the time we spend together,
I never want to loose you, I want to love you forever.

You and Me.

I can be myself when I am with you. Your idea of romance is dim lights, soft music, and just the two of us.
Because you make me feel like I have never felt before. I can tell you anything, and you won't be shocked.
Your undying faith is what keeps the flame of my love alive. You and me together, we could make magic.

We're a perfect match. Thinking of you, fills me with a wonderful feeling.
Your love gives me the feeling that the best is still ahead.
You never give up on me, and that's what keeps me going. You are simply irresistible.
I love you because you bring the best out of me. Your terrific sense of humour. Your smile & eyes are amazing.

Every time I look at you, my heart misses a beat. You're the one who holds the key to my heart.
You always say what I need to hear. You have taught me the true meaning of love.
Love is, what you mean to me - and you mean everything. You are my theme for a dream. And, of course, your intelligence, 'cause you were smart enough to go out with me!

A New Era.

Boyd seethed, Grace sighed and Spencer hung his head. They couldn’t believe they were in the same argument again. Since the dynamics of their group had changed, there was no shortage of arguments to be had, but this one seemed to come up more often than any other.
A year ago, after the death of Sergeant Amelia Silver, the cold case squad had been assigned a new member, Sergeant Jessica Jones. She was young, inexperienced and not a patch on Mel, but she was enthusiastic and sweet, so they tried to welcome her. Grace, seeing another mothering opportunity, had taken the youngster under her wing, protecting her from the wrath of Boyd on many an occasion.

Of course, soon after Mel died their forensics expert, Frankie, also left, with no notice and leaving no real reason. Her replacement, Dr James Elliot, was not fitting in at all. He was stubborn and deliberately awkward about everything, particularly to Boyd, who had no time for him. None of the other members of the team liked him much either, but Boyd had been particularly distraught about Frankie’s departure and had already decided not to like the new doctor before he had arrived.

As the argument raged, things became more and more heated. They were arranged in the office in their usual formation, Boyd stood presenting, and facing James, who stood at the other end of the board, Grace, Spencer and Jessica sat at or on their desks.

“Dr Elliot, I don’t mean to be blunt, but you are talking complete...”

“Boyd!” Grace warned, cutting his sentence short.

“Sorry, Grace, but this man is being so difficult that we can’t get on with this investigation. He should remember he’s still new here,” Boyd told her.

James crossed his arms, “So we’re back to this again. DCI Boyd, you have got to drop this.”

“What? What have I got to drop?” Boyd asked.

“This petty resentment of me just because I’m not your precious Frankie. Why can’t you get it into your head that she’s gone? She’s gone and she’s not coming back.”

“Really? I hate being the last to know everything,” announced a voice from behind them.
Five shocked faces turned to face the intruder, who grinned at their reactions, “What? Don’t I even get a hello now?”

Grace jumped up from her chair, “Frankie! Oh, we’ve missed you.”

Frankie returned Grace’s hug, “I missed you guys too.”

Grace held her at arms length, inspecting her, “So why are you back?”

“Top secret at the moment, I’m afraid,” the younger woman answered, then turned her attention to the man coming towards her and enveloping him in her arms, “Spencer!”
Spencer stepped out of the embrace more quickly than Grace had, aiming to maintain his professional appearance, but he still smiled at the doctor and welcomed her back wholeheartedly.

Boyd watched Frankie greet the member of the team she knew, before making eye contact with her. He wasn’t sure where they stood. If they were still friends or if they had destroyed that. One night had changed their relationship, and he couldn’t be sure it hadn’t been completely eradicated.

A year ago
Frankie’s lab


“Are you going to be okay by yourself, Grace?” Boyd asked, seeing the grief the woman was suffering.

“Yes, I’ll be fine, thanks. See you tomorrow,” she replied, smiling.

“Okay, night,” he relented.

“Night, Grace,” Frankie said, from the other side of her lab.

“How about you, Spence, how are you bearing up?” Boyd turned his attention to the youngest member of his team.

Spencer smiled, “My mum heard about Mel, so she’s come to stay with me. It sounds stupid, but it’s nice to have someone there.”

“Of course. See you tomorrow,” Boyd agreed.

With Grace and Spencer gone, Boyd turned to Frankie, who was busying herself with cleaning. The case was finished, and now she was preparing her equipment for the next morning when there would, no doubt, be another pile of work to get on with.
“Frankie, leave that until the morning,” he encouraged, walking over to her.

“No, it’s okay. It won’t take me long. You get off home,” she replied, deliberately not looking at him, but Boyd could tell from her voice that she was crying. He reached out and took hold of her arm to stop her rubbing the worktop away, and she looked at him.

“Why her, Boyd? What had she ever done?” she weakly said through tears, as he reached out to pull her towards him.

“It’s a cruel world. Nobody deserves that to happen to them, but we’ve done our best. We’ve caught the person that did it, so at least he will get what’s coming to him,” Boyd tried to comfort her, not really sure what he should have been saying.

“It won’t bring her back though, will it?” she replied, more calm now.
Boyd didn’t answer her question, “Come on, I’ll take you home.”

Present day
Meeting room


She walked towards him and stopped just a short distance away, “Boyd, I’m so sorry for just walking out like that, but…”

“Frankie, just stop,” he said forcefully, interrupting her, then his expression softened, “It’s really good to see you.” She grinned and they closed the gap.

As they broke away, Boyd turned to the rest of the room, “Let me introduce everyone. Sergeant Jessica Jones, Dr James Elliot, this is Dr Frankie Wharton.” Jessica nodded and smiled as she was on the other side of the room, but James reached out to shake her hand.

“You’re a tough act to follow,” he said, trying to charm her.

“And judging by the scene as I entered, you failed,” she replied. The others in the room hid smirks, while James’ confident expression faltered. Boyd was amazed. In twelve months he had barely managed to shake this guy’s ego, but Frankie had destroyed it in two minutes.

“I’d better get back to my lab,” James excused himself and hurried away.

“Well, I’m sure you’ve got work to do, I just wanted to say hello,” Frankie said.

“Where are you working now?” Spencer asked, returning to his desk.

“I’m between jobs at the moment, but my top secret reason for being here could be my new job. All will be revealed in time.”

“Well, come back and see us more often,” Grace demanded.

“I certainly will,” Frankie agreed, before turning to Boyd, “Can I have a quick word?”

In Boyd’s office, she started, “I know when I left we weren’t exactly sorted. Neither of us really knew where we stood.”

“No, not really,” he agreed.

“Right, well on that note, could you come over tonight? I think we need to talk,” she asked, handing him a piece of paper with her new address on.

“Sure, what time?”

“About eight?”

“Fine. I’ll see you later then.”

Boyd pulled up outside Frankie’s new house and looked at it. It was a fairly plain semi-detached house, front door, path, windows, nothing out of the ordinary. Stepping out of the car, he pushed open the gate and went to ring the doorbell, checking his watch as he went. He was only fifteen minutes late.

Frankie opened the door quickly, “Hi, come in.” He entered the house and stood in the hallway as she shut the door behind him. When she turned back, she said, “Okay, before we go in there, you have to know that things have changed for me. Since I’ve been away, things have happened which I didn’t ask for and I didn’t know how to deal with for the best, but I did what I thought was right.”

“Frankie, what are you babbling about?” he asked, smiling.

She took a deep breath, “I have to do this before I chicken out. Come in here.” She pushed open a door behind her and went through, indicating for Boyd to follow. His eyes adjusted to the change in light, as the room was only lit dimly. He could see it was her living room, containing sofas, chairs, a carry cot, TV. Then his eyes returned to the one piece of furniture that seemed out of place in her living room. The carry cot. He walked towards it, never letting his eyes leave it, and soon a form became visible inside. The tiny child in the blankets was awake, but silent, kicking it’s arms and legs around, staring up at the world.

“Is it yours?” he asked, the only words he could manage.

She stood next to him, “Ours”

A year ago
Frankie’s house


She hadn’t stopped crying since they left the lab, but now there were just tears, not the all encompassing sobs she had started with. Boyd sat with her on the sofa, ignoring how wet his shirt was getting, holding her close.
After a while, she pulled away and wiped her eyes, “Sorry about this, I’m sure this is not how you planned to spend your evening.”

“Actually, it’s better. With my plans, I would have been on my own.”

She smiled at him, leaning back against him again, “I think I’m okay now. I just needed to let it all out.”

“Good,” he replied, planting a gentle kiss on the top of her head, “I’ll leave you to it then.”

“You don’t have to,” she argued, as he went to stand up, “You could stay.”

Present day
Frankie’s new house


They were sat on the sofa again, a cup of coffee for him and a tea for her on the coffee table, the baby in her arms. Nothing had been said since she had announced the parentage of her baby.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I was scared. The longer I left it, the harder I knew it would be.”

“So why now? What’s changed?” he asked, looking at the baby.

“This is going to sound really stupid,” she warned, “I wanted to know which surname to use.”

“What?”

“Well, I thought if you wanted to be involved, then it would be Boyd, but if you didn’t, then it would be Wharton, but I wanted to let you decide first.”

“How very generous of you,” he said, his voice dripping sarcasm.

“Look, I know I should have told you sooner, and I have apologized, but the fact is she is your daughter and I’m giving you the chance to be her dad,” she snapped, obviously worn out, then she sighed, “I don’t expect anything of you. I don’t expect a marriage proposal or anything. She’s all I care about. I can do this on my own, but I don’t want to. If you want to be involved, then great, but if not say, because I wont have you being half a father.”

“It’s a girl?” he asked, probably having heard nothing after that.

“Yeah.”

“She’s tiny,” he decided, in awe, “Can I hold her?” Frankie held out the child and placed it in Boyd’s arms. He held her so naturally and could not take his eyes off the little bundle.

“Hello, sweetheart. I’m your daddy,” Frankie felt her eyes fill up as she watched the scene, “What’s her name?”

She took a deep breath, “Amelia Grace.” Boyd’s head snapped up, and she got worried, “Don’t you like it?”

His face changed, “It’s perfect.”

The Knight's Pledge.

He lays down his sword
At the foot of his King
And says “I am yours
To command anything.”

“I give you my life I will serve evermore
My loyalty is to you King of all, my Lord.”
“Send me into battle
And I will surely go
Lead me into darkness
I will defeat my foe.”

“Wherever you lead me
Whenever you call me
I will abide by your command
I will answer to you only.”

He kneels before his King
Surrendering all strife
The pledge of his service
The pledge of his life

The King rises from the throne
And smiles at his loyal knight,
“Heed the command I give to you:
Go forth and be a light!”

Irish Eyes Are Smiling Again.

Disclaimer: All wrestling characters © to WWE and Vince McMahon, all other names and characters are © to themselves. Any likeness to certain people or situations are purely coincidence, story idea © to Nicky D Sarti 2008. As with most fictional stories, this is purely for fun and is not meant to cause offence or harm to anyone; living or dead. Thank you for reading, hope you enjoy my story!

In his many years as a WWE employee, Dave Finlay had seen much. He had seen more than his fair share of superstars come and go, he had experienced many good times; as well as some bad ones. In all his years he had been involved in many a storyline, but nothing ever prepared him for this moment.
“You want me to do what?” He finally asked, trying to get his head around what he was being told.
“Are you serious Vince? The whole thing is just so...” Before he had the chance to continue Vince had cut him off, giving him that notorious look that meant not to question him.
“Trust me Fit, this will work!” And without another word Vince was heading off in the same direction as he had come from, leaving a very confused Finlay in his wake.

Over the next few weeks Dave tried to get his head around the fact he now had to act as if he had a son and he was a dwarf... okay so Dave hated that word but that was all he could use, Dave’s new ‘son’ was actually a midget. To be fair though this was not the only thing bothering Dave about his latest storyline; it was no secret that Dave’s wife had died in childbirth. So now that he had to ‘act’ like he had a son, Dave felt a little put out to say the least.
“Is it me that you do not like working with?” Hornswoggle asked, as the two sat trying to find an angle to work on. Dave smiled, hoping it would reach his lips.
“It isn’t that Dylan, it’s just a little too close to home...” Dave said as he sighed deeply, wishing his beautiful wife had been around to help him through his pain. Over the next few months both Dave and Dylan did their best to make their on screen relationship believable, to be fair they were doing a good job of it too.

Amber Jayne had been with the WWE for a full six months before they actually decided to give her a storyline, but no matter how much AJ thought it sucked she was just grateful that she finally had the chance to impress. Though if she was honest when AJ finally found out what her storyline was, she was not too sure this was actually what she wanted. The Great Khali had been doing the kiss cam of late and everyone was having such a blast, but it seemed that Ranjin Singh felt differently. The idea was that Ranjin would come with Khali to the ring as AJ was having her first match and would get Khali’s Kiss Cam to make the two in the ring to kiss, AJ was pissed off; this was not the way to make an impression. And AJ had every intention to make an impact, so as when the time came she was ready. Within seconds of Khali coming to the ring, AJ had slipped out of the ring and after grabbing a chair was almost running towards Ranjin. This of course made Khali angry, quickly grabbing AJ as she went by.

In AJ’s mind, she had planned for things to go a little differently than how they actually were. But then in AJ’s mind she always believed she could do anything, she never saw how fragile she clearly really was. But now as she was being held over seven feet in the air and about to get chokeslamed to hell, she finally realised that she was in above he head. As AJ closed her eyes and waited she half hoped someone would save her, and when the slam never came and she was dropped to the ground she realised someone had. Dave had never forgotten what Khali and Vince had done to Dylan at the start of their storyline, and if he was being honest now seemed like a very good time to show Khali he had not forgotten. Within seconds of Khali hoisting AJ up in the air, Dave was almost involuntarily rushing to the ring with his trusty shillelagh in hand. Beating off any damage Khali was about to bestow on AJ, Dave protected her cowering form as Khali and Ranjin backed away. She had yet to open her eyes and now as she did so AJ was looking into the sad Irish eyes of Finlay, for a moment she saw a flicker of something in them she had often heard about but seemingly had yet to actually find. But as quickly as it had come, it was gone within an instant; as he helped AJ to her feet and lead her to the back.

“Thanks for saving me back there...” AJ finally managed to say, trying to recover from the shock. All Dave could manage was a shrug of his shoulders as the words got stuck in his throat, wondering what the hell was wrong with him before finally managing a small ‘hmm’ from his lips.
“Dave are you okay? Hey AJ, you okay?” Dylan said, almost rushing to Dave’s side. Nodding, AJ told him she was fine as the two passed the time of day; leaving Dave to try and get his mind together. All he had wanted to do was get some revenge as he had been told to in his storyline; he was not prepared to actually believe in the damn storyline. Nor was he prepared to be saving anyone, but then if he was being honest with himself; this really was not the problem. His heart had played tricks on him, making him feel something he was sure he could never feel again. The second he had looked into her eyes, he knew he was going to fall for her. And he hated himself for it; he knew that if he fell, he would more than likely end up losing her and getting hurt. To say that his heart was still broken was something of an understatement, and to say that Dave was not ready to fall was also a bit of and understatement too. But as Finlay knew, things were never going to be that easy!

As Dave and Dylan headed off to their locker room, AJ was left wondering what the hell had just happened between the pair of them; she knew that whatever it was Finlay was not willing to allow it to progress. Heading off to her locker room, AJ tried to put it all to the back of her mind; but something about Finlay’s eyes made that seemingly impossible.
“Dave, what was that back there?” Dylan said, knowing full well what he had seen between Finlay and AJ had been sparks of some sort.
“Nothing, now go get ready.” Dave said firmly closing the matter, making Dylan all too aware that he was to go no further with his line of thought. Even though Dave’s voice was firm, his mind was anything but. A million and one thoughts rushing into his head at once, not allowing him time to breath. I cannot fall, I will not allow it, Dave thought as he sat trying to get ready for his match. But of course, events would always conspire against Finlay when it came to matters of the heart. Vince had seen Finlay’s heroics and had quickly reworked his and AJ’s storyline, heading to her locker room first.
“... so I thought it would be good if you go make the save tonight for Finlay, seeing as he did the same for you.” Vince asked, well told AJ; who in all fairness just stood there and nodded.

So the scene was seemingly set, not that anyone was about to tell Finlay that of course. Finlay was set to face Mark Henry with Tony Atlas in his corner, both men looking to settle a score with Finlay and Hornswoggle. Half way though the match Dave was told that he would be almost beat but Tony Atlas would get involved and cause Finlay the loss after helping to distract the ref, even though Dave hated the idea of anyone hurting Dylan; he knew he would have to let this happen. What they had not told Dave was that it would be AJ that would make the save where Dylan was concerned; maybe it was the ‘Chairman’ part of Vince that wanted to see Finlay’s reaction to AJ again, or maybe he just saw what Dylan seemingly had. Whatever the case, Finlay would be totally in the dark when the time came for his match. As scripted Finlay allowed Dylan to be put in harms way as he tried with his entire mite not to make the save as he normally would have, and then he watched with shock like other fans as AJ came rushing to the rescue; pulling Dylan to safety. For a split second Dave saw that look again in her eyes and wanted to fall, but his anger and hurt would quickly take over. Taking said anger out of Tony Atlas and a now out for the count Mark Henry, using his trusty shillelagh to beat both of them into a bloody pulp.

Dave never really gave AJ a chance to speak before he had almost dragged Dylan away and to the back, not giving anyone; including Dylan the chance to speak.
“Hey Dave, what’s wrong?” Dylan asked as he watched how Finlay tried to calm himself down, knowing it had to be something. Dave’s anger would not pass, he knew it was all down to Vince; but he could not let this go. Okay if he was honest it was only himself he really had to blame, it was he and he alone who had shut himself away after his wife died. He knew he was being an idiot, he knew he would have to move on sometime; but right now he just was not ready to start again.
“Nothing, just leave it okay Dylan.” Dave finally said, as he begun to feel his anger die down. Dylan did not want to drop the matter and continued to press things, none of which actually helped Dave’s anger.
“Just damn well leave it okay, I do not want to talk about it...” Dave seethed an answer, trying not to allow his anger to rise again. Heading for the door he never gave Dylan a chance to answer back before he was out of the door and heading somewhere, anywhere to allow himself time to cool down.
“Get out my damned way...” Dave almost shouted as she walked into his chest, not looking up to care or see whom it was.

“I just came to see if Dylan was alright...” AJ said, realising half way though that Dave neither cared nor heard her. Heading off to see Dylan for herself, as she tried to understand Finlay’s rage towards her.
“I don’t think it is you Amber...” Dylan said, as the two sat talking.
“I just think he is going through some kind of ‘battle’ in his mind.” Dylan continued, hoping Dave would not come back anytime soon. It was not that he wanted Dave to be away or anything, but he thought AJ deserved better than another torrent of abuse she did not warrant. Even though he was a little over four foot, Dylan was a smart guy. He knew that Dave saw something in AJ the second he saved her, the two had learnt much from each other since being teamed together almost two years ago now. They had never really talked about Dave’s wife, but Dylan knew it still haunted him to this very day.
“Well he might not like what Vince has just told me then...” AJ said causing Dylan to come from his thoughts, there was a look in her eyes that told him all he needed to know. “Do you want me to tell him?” Dylan said, hearing of Dave’s outburst towards her when she had come to see them. Nodding, AJ said thanks and left; moments later Dave was back.

“Vince is up to his tricks again...” Dylan finally managed to say after the two had been in silence for sometime; in Dave’s heart he already knew the answer to his next question.
“What? Or should I say who?” Dave finally managed to say, does my heart hate me this much? Thought to himself.
“He thinks we should team up with AJ, she came to tell us...” Dylan began, trying to carefully get his words correctly. He could tell by Dave’s silence he was angry, but it all needed to be said.
“Vince wants the three of us to come up with storylines and stuff...” Dylan continued, knowing Dave was not in the least bit happy.
“Fine.” Was all Dave could manage as he got his stuff ready to go back to the hotel, wanting and needing his own time and space. Over the next few days until they had to go to tapings of ECW, Dave did his best to try work with the hand he had seemingly been given.

Dylan was not sure why Dave seemed to hate AJ so much, after all he had never spoken to the girl; not even when he saved her. But whatever the reason, Dave was adamant that he did not want to talk to her until he had to talk to her. Once back in the comfort of his lonely hotel room, Dave finally allowed his pent up tears to fall. With his eyes tightly shut he was expecting to see his wife’s face, but when all he saw was AJ’s beautiful brown eyes he knew that he had fallen. Sighing deeply Dave felt lost, his heart had seemingly told him to go save her that night; he just never understood why. Sighing deeply Finlay resigned himself to the fact he had little choice in the matter and he would have to put up with his lot, not that his career had dealt him with a bad lot; he just was not sure he was ready to move on in his private life. Especially when he was being made to do it in such a forced and fake way as this, but maybe it would be Finlay’s heart that would have the final say in things.

After a restless night Dave headed to the arena, praying his heart would be able to hold out enough to at least try and make things work. When things began going wrong for him, Dave knew his luck was out; as even getting dressed seemed too hard right now. As he reached the arena, Finlay’s mood was black, but he still tried his best to make things work; if only for Dylan’s sake. The two had seemingly become so close, for them to be parted would only hurt both even more.
“I guess Vince wanted me and Dave to show some signs of romance, maybe be like a step mom for you…” AJ began, not looking up for fear of her heart betraying her.
“You know what Vince is like Amber, anything is possible…” Dylan said softly, trying to second guess what Dave was thinking. Before he had the chance to say anymore, Finlay’s anger had seemingly boiled over.
“Yeah well he has another thing coming then, there’s no way in hell that’ll happen…” Dave spat, his words seemingly cutting Dylan as much as AJ. Before he had the chance to continue, AJ cut him off; allowing her anger to rise.
“What did I do to you Finlay, have I hurt you that much that you would treat me like this?” AJ said as anger flashed in her soft brown eyes, hurt by Dave’s words.

“Why the hell did you come to my rescue if this is what you feel?” Her pain was now obvious to both Dave and Dylan, and before she turned to leave her tears began to fall as she spoke once more.
“You should have just left me…” Within seconds of leaving AJ’s tears were falling, without giving either man the chance to stop her she was running for her life. She had no idea where she was going until she run into the solid and very large frame of Mark Henry, as was usual Tony Atlas was not too far behind. Back in their locker room, both Finlay and Dylan were stuck to their spots in silence; neither sure what to say. Then Dylan spoke, aware that Dave’s anger could snap at any moment.
“Why do you hate Amber so much Dave?” Finlay sighed deeply, he did not hate AJ; far from it. It was just that his heart was not ready or prepared to feel the things he was right now, especially when AJ was so like his late wife.
“Because I see my late wife in her too much, everything about her reminds me of Carole...” Dave finally felt able to say, both wondering if she was okay.

“Do I remind you of the son you never had? Is that why we seemingly cannot make this team work?” Dylan said as the two men headed off to search for AJ, in truth Dylan already knew the answer; but he needed to hear it from Finlay himself.
“Yes, you both remind me of something that hurts me still so deeply; but I want this to work...” Finlay finally said, as the two headed towards the bowls of the arena.
“I’m sorry Mark...” AJ said, her voice making it all too aware that she was scared. AJ’s mind had been firmly with Finlay, a man she clearly loved but felt she could not. She had not seen either Mark or Tony coming round the corner, almost taking pleasure in her fear.
“Well look what we have here Mark, Finlay’s girlfriend…” No matter how hard AJ’s tears were falling or how scared she was right now, there was something about Tony’s words that made her tremble in a good way. There was something about being called his girlfriend that seemed to delight AJ, lord only knows why after how he had been treating her.

“Where’s you boyfriend AJ?” Mark sneeringly asked but did not expect an answer, trying to find her voice AJ whimpered slightly. Still trying to stop herself thinking about Dave in a way that would have made her mother blush, she had no way of knowing let alone stopping what was about to happen.
“What about Hornswoggle, is it fun playing Mommy?” Mark went on, letting out an evil laugh as he did so. It was not the laugh that scared AJ, it was the thought they had hurt Dylan.
“Give him a message for us when you see him…” Tony said, causing AJ to look to him and ignore Mark. Who began the beat down both men enjoyed giving, but the second they heard someone coming they were off like the cowards they clearly were. But now with a near lifeless AJ on the floor and an unsuspecting Matt Hardy to try help, the damage was clearly done. It was Dylan who heard Matt’s cries for help first, unaware that it was AJ he was trying to help.
“Dave!” Dylan cried out, as he rushed to AJ’s side; nearly knocking Matt out of the way as he did so.

“Amber, please be okay!” Dylan pleased as Matt tried to explain he had found her in this way, all that went through Finlay’s mind was fear and regret. Dave’s heart sank, he had caused this; this beautiful woman was hurt because of him. Reaching her side Dylan was already close to tears as AJ lay there unconscious, it took all of Dave’s strength not to break down and tell her he loved her. He was already cursing himself as the help arrived, then as they took the short ambulance ride to the hospital Dave’s only thought was that he got a chance to put things right. With AJ in ER Dave was left out in the waiting room with Dylan, the silence had been thick since both arrived. Both their minds were firmly with AJ, neither wanted to be the first to talk but both knew it would have to come sooner or later.
“Do you hate AJ this much Dave?” Dylan began, not caring if it made him angry or not. With those few words Dave’s heart broke even more, hating AJ was the last thing he felt; he just did not know how to say that.

“It’s not like that Dylan, quite the opposite in fact…” Dave finally said after a long moment of silence between the two, ruefully rubbing his chin. In truth Dave was sure Dylan knew he was in love with AJ, he hoped he would not have to go through the embarrassment of having to admit it; especially before he could find the right words to tell AJ herself. Before either man had the chance to continue their conversations the Doctor turned up, looking at the two men in front of him; hoping neither were the reason for AJ’s injuries.
“Mr. erm?” The Doctor began, looking from Dylan to Finlay and then back again.
“Mr. Finlay, this is my son Dylan.” Dave said without thinking, not looking to Dylan who must have been giving him a shocked look.
“Are you AJ’s next of kin?” The Doctor asked, hoping to get the correct answer.
“She’s my partner…” Dave said, again without thinking. It would not be something he thought about until later and even then he enjoyed how easy the words rolled off his tongue, the Doctor smiled as he spoke.
“Amber is fine, but she has a few bruises and a slight concussion. We would like to keep her in overnight just to make sure everything is ok, would you and you son like to see her?” The Doctor’s words caused a fear and panic to set in with Dave, but he did not have long to allow it to fester as Dylan nodded and almost ran off to AJ’s room; slowly followed by Dave.

“Amber!” Dylan cried as he rushed to her side, hugging her closely. To be fair even though AJ was hurting, seeing Dylan more than made up for the pain. But then Finlay walked in, seeing his sad eyes hurt AJ even more than she first thought; but she did not have time to argue the fact of him being there as the Doctor spoke.
“Your partner and his son wanted to see you, I’m sure you will be happy to see them…” As soon as the words had left the Doctor’s mouth, AJ’s pain softened and her heart began to mend. She could not explain it, but something about hearing Finlay being called her partner caused AJ’s heart to miss a beat.
“Are you okay, I was so scared when I saw you hurt…” Dylan said as he hugged her and got hugged back from AJ, who was still trying to stop her overactive imagination from making her blush.
“I’m a little sore Dylan, but I am okay thank you. How are you both?” AJ replied, wishing Finlay would move closer. As if he could read her thoughts, Dave moved closer; wanting to say so much but realising the words would not come yet.

“We are okay, aren’t we Dad?” Dylan said, looking to Finlay; who had been unable to look at AJ since walking in. Dylan sensed this and made his excuses to leave, hoping that leaving the two alone to talk would be the right choice.
“My partner, is that part of the storyline you did not want Finlay?” AJ said, half in anger; half because she wanted to hear him tell her no. Somewhere in her heart AJ longed to hear Finlay call her his girlfriend, but after all he had said surely this would never happen. Shrugging his shoulders, Dave still was unable to look up. Sighing deeply was all that alerted AJ to the fact he had heard her question, taking a deep breath she needed to ask and indeed know.
“Why do hate me so much, especially when you saved me?” AJ finally found her voice, biting her bottom lip in nervousness.
“Is that what I’ve made you think AJ?” Dave finally said, looking up into her sad brown eyes for the first time since he saved her. All she could do was nod, more than a little aware of the temper he had.

“Oh Amber, I am so sorry; that isn’t what I think at all, far from it.” Dave said softly, moving to the bed and gently sitting close to AJ’s side. Almost without thinking AJ took Dave’s hand, not wanting to let go again.
“It’s just that you remind me so much of my late wife Carole, it is hard for me to forget...” Finlay continued to say, thankful she had not let go of his hand.
“I understand that Dave, but it is just a storyline you know?” AJ said sadly, wishing in truth that it was not. In her heart she wanted him to love her, but in her mind she was already trying to make herself believe that he would never. But of course, her heart knew different; the way he had looked at her told her of that fact.
“But I am not sure that is all I want it to be Amber...” Dave said honestly, looking up into her soft brown eyes. There was a glimmer of something in them the moment he had spoken, could she want him as much as he did her.
“One step at a time Dave, baby steps okay?” AJ said, seemingly aware that Dave was seeing self-doubt in both their eyes. Rushing back in Dylan was all for chattering away, but stopped quickly when he felt the change in the atmosphere.

“Is everything okay guys?” Dylan always hated wrestling for this, every time he seemingly found himself people that liked and accepted him for who he was; the damn storylines changed and he was left out in the cold again. In truth Dylan’s life had not been a great one, not that he could have really expected much difference when he was a dwarf. He had never really fit in and became a wrestler for that simple fact that, by doing something he was good at he could make money and be part of something. But even in wrestling, Dylan had trouble fitting in and would often find himself very alone and unwelcomed. That is why when he was given this storyline with Finlay he had felt happy, but when AJ came on the scene Dylan knew there could be trouble ahead. But that was not totally a bad thing, Dylan saw the look that occurred between Dave and AJ; there was no denying they both felt something for each other. Dylan liked AJ, the two seemingly got on like a house on fire; and that was the thing that bothered Dylan most... if (and when, as they often did) things went wrong, Dylan would loose someone he cared deeply about.
“Everything is fine Dylan, we just need to start again I think.” Dave said softly, as he looked to Amber, who still had hold of his hand. Softly she smiled at Dylan and then, with a gentle squeeze of his hand; she looked to Dave. In her heart AJ knew that her heart belonged to Dave, something about him made her feel safe.

As AJ slept, Dave sat close by her side and looked on as Dylan rested in the chair across the room from them both. Finlay thought about all that had led him to this moment and how he had very nearly lost it all, it had been such a hard road for all concerned that his only worry now was that their storylines would changed; Dave knew Vince almost as well as anyone and sometimes things would changed at the drop of a hat because of Vince. As AJ shifted, Dave looked over to this beautiful woman sleeping by his side. For the first time since he could remember Dave was happy, he did not need to lie to himself about how happy he was; because he really was happy. Although they say that the Irish are very lucky by nature, in his life Finlay had not been too lucky; especially when it came to love. When he had lost Carole and his unborn son, Dave had lost his smile; his eyes were dull and lifeless. But now as he looked to Dylan; and then Amber, things began to look brighter for the man who loves to fight. With something of a new lease of life Finlay felt ready and able to not only love again but also be ready to be a real father, with love in his heart Dave was sure that his Irish eyes would smile again.