Friday, May 30, 2008

A Love Like This?

My darling.

When I think back to how we began or friendship it is simply impossible for me to think that it could be all over, that within moments I could possible lose the love of my life and the best thing to have ever happened to me. And I know that I cannot compare to New York, or how it makes you feel safe, wanted and at home there. But after all we have been through and after all we have shared I feel that I need to say these things to you, I meant everything I said to you that night; when I told you how I felt about you.

I have been in love with you for over ten years, I knew I wanted to be with you the first moment I met you and when we became friends I knew I would never stop loving you or forget you. You are my friend, my companion and my life; and you always will be. When I lost my wife and family; you were there for me, giving me the support and friendship I needed so badly. When you were caught in that conflict out in the Sudan I was totally lost; watching the TV every day for some, any news that you were ok. When your heart broke so did mine and I know the feeling was mutual.

So this is my promise to you;

When you are sad, I will do my best to cheer you up.

When you are mad, I will help you calm down.

When you are lonely, I will stop you being alone.

When you cry, I will lend you my shoulder, chest and arms... I will dry your tears and sooth your fears.

When you are happy, I will be there to share you joy.

When you are relaxed, I will be there to “do nothing with you.”

When you laugh, I will be there to laugh with you; to watch your eyes dance and the sparkle in your eye twinkle. You eyes would always captivate me, they say so much.

When you are broken and cannot stand, I will be with you; holding you up.

When you have success, I will be there to share in it.

When you are strong, I will be strong with you.

When you are weak, I will be you support and your strength.

When you need me there, I will be there; always.

I will never hurt you, I will never make you sad, and I will never make you cry or feel bad.

This my beautiful friend, is my whole hearted promise to you; the love of my life. Thank you for all that you are and all that you have been and will always be to me. I wish I could hold you forever and that life would just end up right, but I know you need to find you. Remember this; my heart, my love and my soul are always and have always been yours.

I love you, forever.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Friends Are Forever

Two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey, they had an argument; and one friend slapped the other one in the face.

The one who was slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand,

“Today my best friend slapped me in the face …”

They kept on walking, until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath.
The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him.

After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone:

"Today my best friend saved my life"

The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone, why?"

The friend replied "when someone hurts us we should write it down in sand, where winds of forgiveness can erase it away.

But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it"
Learn to write you hurt and pain in the sand and carve your benefits in stone.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, and hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them!

Take time to live!

Love like you’ve never been hurt.

Dance like no one is watching.

Sing like no one can hear you.

And live like its heaven on earth!

Do not value the things you have in your life, value WHO you have in your life!!!

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Christmas Kisses Under The Mistletoe.

The team had just finished their last case and it had taken its toll on all of them, not least of all Grace. Grace had seemingly gone through hell over the course of the last six months which culminated in this nasty case of gangland killings, something Boyd was aware of but not the others in the team was how Grace’s violent ex was part of the same gang that had been targeted. Over the course of the case Boyd would often ask after Grace, making sure she was still ok not just to continue the case but also in general. The pair had been good friends ever since the Unit had been started up, both had knowledge of each other’s reputations and both had been more than a little eager to work with the other. As Boyd walked out into the crisp cold winter air he pulled the collar of his coat up and wrapped his jacket tighter around him, he hated Christmas time and was not looking forward to heading into the City. Ok, he knew what he wanted to do but it’s just he hated Shopping at the best of times, he wasn’t very good at it if he was honest but when you added Christmas time into the fray as well Boyd realised this could be a disaster.

Back in the Unit Grace sat in her office and tried to relax and get her mind off the case the team had just finished, it had been a rough case for all involved but it was Grace that would suffer the most. Only Boyd knew the real reasons and it had been he that she would seek out when things would get too much for her or if she just needed to talk to someone, and although he could be annoying at times Grace would be glad of Boyd and his friendship. Grace had known of Boyd’s glowing reputation for a while, many of the colleagues she worked with over the years have spoken of Peter Boyd and his work ethic. When he had asked her to go and work for him, she had felt honoured and proud that her own reputation had reached him. What she wasn’t expecting was how her feelings would overwhelm her once they had first met, she wasn’t expecting to feel emotions that she thought had long since died within her the moment he took her hand and introduced himself to her when they first met at her ‘interview.’ Putting her glasses on the files in front of her and closed her eyes for a moment trying to clear her thoughts.

Walking around the shops getting shoved and pushed from pillar to post as he searched for something that said how he felt, Boyd wished he was better at everything and then he wouldn’t need to be here getting madder and stressed out. As some old lady ran over his foot with her shopping trolley and another jabbed him in the side with her umbrella Boyd did his best to think calming thoughts, reminding himself often that this was for Grace and that he couldn’t leave without something for her. Boyd knew he had never been that great at buying things for women, especially those he cared about but now he found himself in the position he was and if he was honest it scared the hell out of him. It wasn’t the only thing that worried him if he was honest with himself, the feelings he had always felt for Grace was something he had tried to deny and fight. But now he felt that he could no longer deny these feelings any longer, especially after it was clear to even him that they needed each other. Smiling to himself as he walked past the jewellery department Boyd couldn’t help but venture in and have a look, maybe he would find what he was looking for inside.

As Grace sat trying to clear her mind of not only the recent case but also the feelings she was having for Boyd her phone rang causing Grace to sigh as she answered the phone, surprised by the voice for a moment on the other end of the line.

“Hi Mum, how are you?” Grace smiled as she heard Frankie’s friendly voice on the line.

“Frankie! It’s so good to hear from you, we are fine but how’s things with you?” Grace did her best to avoid answering how she was feeling, mainly because she herself didn’t know the answer! As the two talked about everything but what both really wanted to say, both could relax and forget about their already overloaded thoughts. Finally Frankie took a deep breath and said what she had been longing to say ever since she had picked the phone and called Grace.
“Grace, I wanted to call for another reason other than it’s Christmas.” Grace knew that moment the concern she had felt when she first picked the phone up was for a reason.

“What is it Frankie?” As the two woman talked the shock became evident on Grace’s face and she would suggest the pair met which thankfully Frankie agree would be a good idea.

As Boyd spotted it sparkling away in the glass cabinet, he knew instantly that it was perfect for Grace. It said everything he wanted to say and everything he felt perfectly, the only trouble was he didn’t know how to put it into words. As Boyd stood purchasing the piece of sparkling jewellery he thought about how long it had been since he had felt such butterflies inside of him, that and how he missed Mel and Frankie. Although it had been two years now the pain and regret he still felt was all too real, and part of the reason he was seeking professional help in the form of anger management. Realising his own sadness rising inside of him Boyd concentrated on the present that the sales assistant was wrapping, smiling and thanking the assistant Boyd paid and left heading for the restaurant to make the booking in readiness for tonight. As he returned to the Unit he met Grace heading the other way, hiding her gift behind his back Boyd spoke.

“Hi Grace, of somewhere nice?”

“Well yes actually, I’m off out to lunch with our good friend Dr. Wharton.” Grace replied as she saw the gift Boyd tried to hide behind his back, hoping inside it was for her. Smiling as the pair walked away from each other Boyd laid the reservations on her desk for when she got back from lunch.

Spotting Frankie the moment she walked in Grace walked a little faster as she approached her friend’s side and spoke.
“Frankie, it’s great to see you! So what are you drinking?” After the drinks had been ordered the pair had sat talking about anything and everything but what both were there for, until Frankie took a deep breath and spoke.

“You know as much as I love our small talk, that isn’t why I asked you here.” Pausing so she could get what she was about to say right in her own mind first, Frankie took a deep breath before she continued.

“A few months after I left here I was still down and hurting about Mel and everything…” Pausing so she could choose her words correctly before continuing.

“I met a guy and we got on well, and well the result was a daughter.” Wanting to say more and what she had come for but sensing Grace’s shock she stopped.

“Oh Frankie, wow. That’s an awful lot for me to take in.” Was all Grace could say as the two friends sat drinking their coffees, taking another deep breath Frankie went on.

“There is more Grace. Although I know it is a little late I wanted to ask if you minded me calling her Amelia Grace?”
Overwhelmed by the thought that someone close wanted to name their child after her brought a tear to Grace’s eye and as she took her hankie from her pocket Frankie spoke again.

“Aww Grace, please don’t cry on me! There is something else I wanted to ask, not just you but Boyd too.” As Grace stopped crying she could feel herself smile at the sound of his name, thinking to herself how daft it was that she; a grown woman should felt so like a love sick teenager made Grace smile slightly more.

“Will you and Boyd be Godparents to her?” Grace’s head shot up and her eyes widened as she let Frankie’s words sink in, trying to find the words she had was searching for caused Grace to open and close her mouth several times before she was able to pull herself together and speak.

“Frankie, I would be so delighted and honoured to be your daughter’s Godmother, I can’t speak for Boyd though I am sure he will feel the same.”

“You mean, you two still haven’t become more than just friends? Aww Grace, he so fancies you!” Frankie was never shy in saying what she felt and this was one of those times when she wouldn’t hold back.

“Frankie!” Grace said as both women looked shocked and sensing that Grace would give nothing away Frankie held her hands up in defeat and spoke.

“Ok Grace ok, just promise me you will stop by tonight and meet your new baby Goddaughter?” Nodding the two women finished their coffees and headed back to the Unit. As soon as they walked in Boyd knew his plans that evening may not work out as he planned and as Frankie came in and wanted to talk to him all Boyd could do was think of Grace and how he desperately wanted this evenings plans to work out.

“…. So, Grace has already agreed to be Godmother. I was wondering if you would be her Godfather.” Frankie’s words brought Boyd out of his daydream quickly and for a moment he just sat there silently staring at Frankie while opening and closing his mouth, trying to find the correct words for her.

“You’re a mother?” Was all he could say, still sat in shock.

“Christ Boyd, didn’t you listen? I just told you.” Rolling her eyes in much the same way Mel would have done, Frankie sighed and spoke again.

“I said I had a daughter called Amelia Grace and I wanted you and Grace to be her Godparents.” Shaking her head as she smiled over Boyd’s inability to concentrate, Frankie asked him what he thought. Beaming with pride Boyd got up out of his seat and walked over to Frankie who had also rose from her chair.

Taking her in his arms and congratulating her Boyd spoke.
“Frankie, I am so flattered you asked me and of course I would be delighted to be Godfather to little Amelia Grace.” Trying not to let his tears fall Boyd pulled away as Frankie spoke once more.

“It would be great if you could meet your Goddaughter tonight after work?” The smile that had been present upon Boyd’s face had quickly disappeared as he realised what Frankie was asking him, not wanting to let her or his new Goddaughter down Boyd felt torn as he too didn’t want this chance; maybe his one last chance with Grace to slip away. Taking a deep breath Boyd spoke.

“I would love to be there, but I had planned on taking someone out to dinner tonight.” Not sure if Grace would except or not also kept Boyd from being more positive in his plan.

“Oh it’s alright Boyd, why don’t you come round tomorrow night after work?” Frankie was understandable upset but understood that after all he had gone through in his life he too had just as much right to happiness as anyone else. Nodding an agreement Frankie left and went off to talk to Spence who was just a shocked and pleased to see his friend.

Grace had been sat in her office for a while now and although she knew it was doing her no good and she wasn’t getting any work done she just couldn’t take her eyes from the reservation that lay in front of her, picking it up and running her fingers over it she could sense her heartbeat increasing as she studied it in more detail. She knew the scruffy handwriting on it anywhere, so the last thing she needed to do was ask who had sent it. Maybe after all these years she would finally be able to tell him what she had been keeping locked deep inside all the years they had been colleagues and friends, maybe that gift he had tried to hide really was for her. Although she felt happy for a moment Grace now felt sad that she would have to cancel on Boyd, she had already made arrangements to see Frankie and her Goddaughter. Knowing it would hurt him to cancel Grace waited until the end of the day and both had five minutes alone. Taking a deep breath as she walked out of her office and headed towards Boyd’s office, saying goodbye to both Stella and Spence as they left for home. Walking straight in without knocking alerted Boyd to the fact that she wanted to talk and stopped what he was doing and headed to the sofa Grace had sat down on.

“I hope you don’t mind me booking up before I asked you, but I thought we could go grab dinner after work?” Boyd’s palms were sweaty and as he tried to slow his breathing and heartbeat down he prayed she couldn’t sense the nerves he had deep within him. Taking a deep breath and knowing he would be disappointed Grace spoke, not daring to look up at him.

“Peter I’m sorry, but I have already promised Frankie I would go round and see her tonight. I am sure you will understand?” Praying and hoping that he would, feeling the sadness rise deep within him Boyd tried with all he had to find the right words for her. Inside he wanted to say that yes he did mind and that he wanted to go out with her instead, but Boyd knew he couldn’t do that and instead he finally managed to say that it was ok and it didn’t matter. As Grace got up to leave she felt his heart break along with her own sadness and pain, as she turned to leave Boyd called after her.

“I wanted to give this to you tonight.” As she turned around Boyd handed Grace the gift wrapped present she had seen him hide earlier, causing her heart to break further.

“It’s just a little something to say how much you mean to me and that I appreciate all that you do for me, well all of us really.” Knowing he wasn’t making it any better or easier Boyd handed the gift over and walked outside to the main office as he tired to find something to make him look busy.

Opening the gift Grace’s eyes fell upon the most beautiful diamond necklace she had ever seen, taking it from the box Grace was transfixed as to how it sparkled and caught the light. Thinking about how she felt and the things he had just said to her Grace felt terrible for turning him down and was in two minds as to if she should call Frankie or not, sensing that if she did Frankie would only tease her about it. Walking out into the main office she saw how Boyd tried his best to keep busy and not turn round to face her, taking a deep breath she spoke.

“Peter, this necklace is so beautiful. You really shouldn’t have, but I am most grateful. Maybe I could wear it when we go for dinner tomorrow?” Hoping this would ease the atmosphere between the pair somewhat. Shaking his head Boyd spoke.

“I told Frankie I was going out tonight so, I will be seeing my; our Goddaughter tomorrow night.” Smiling at what she could tell was Frankie’s way of match making, Grace walked over to Boyd’s side and noticed the piece of mistletoe hanging about Spencer’s chair. Smiling to herself at how the charming DI Spencer Jordan had placed it there while getting into the festive sprit earlier on in the day. Smiling as Boyd turned round he went to ask what was wrong and then followed Grace’s eyes upwards.

Smiling the self same smile Grace was Boyd went to speak and then stopped, taking a deep breath he needed to say it as it was a now or never moment for him.
“Grace?” He started.

“Yes Peter?” Grace felt she knew where this was going and was unsure as to how she would handle it, after all it had been a long time for both she knew that but after they had both kept their feelings secret Grace was unsure if now would be the right time.

“Grace, you know that it is customary to kiss when you are under mistletoe?” Was all that Boyd could think to say, ok he knew he wanted to say more but he just couldn’t find the words he needed to say what he felt. Smiling at his shyness and boldness Grace looked up into his deep brown eyes and saw the little lost puppy dog routine his eyes seemed to do so well and instantly felt her desires and emotions rise within her.

“We could just go to Frankie’s together? After all I am sure that is what she really wanted.” Grace tried to fight the urge she had deep down to take Boyd and kiss him passionately, after all he is the king of the mixed signals! Grace thought to herself as she tried to concentrate on anything but what she was feeling deep inside. Smiling Boyd took Grace in his arms and pulled her closer into his chest and spoke.

“I agree Grace., but do I not get a Christmas kiss under the mistletoe first before we go?” Smiling and looking into her deep passionate blue eyes Boyd feel like a child again and put on his best ‘puppy dog eyes’ routine, hoping and praying they would work this time. Smiling as she looked deep into his eyes and tried not to fall any deeper Grace nodded slightly and moved forward, as Boyd did the same the pair were inches away from each others lips when both stopped as if to tease each other Grace turned around and asked Boyd to fasten her necklace. Sensing how he smiled and almost sighed through disappointment Grace held her hair up and moved her head slightly so her neck was visible, and an easy target for Boyd’s tender soft lips to gently attack once he had fastened the necklace. As he brought his lips away from Grace’s neck he felt how she shivered and shuddered with pleasure at his touch, gently caressing her neck he moved his lips to her ear and spoke in a soft whisper.

“I can’t tell you how long I have wanted to do that to you Gracie, you are so beautiful.” Kissing her neck again Grace was almost overwhelmed by the pleasure and desire it had created within her, it had taken her by surprise just like her the first time she had felt the passion which he evoked within the very first time they had met.

“I feel the same Peter.” Was all she could manage as he again kissed her neck gently and then turned her so she was facing him, unable to look into his eyes at first until he gently took her face and lifted it to meet his own. Gently stroking the side of her cheek with his free hand Boyd smiled as he went to say the words he had been longing to say but trying to keep secret since they had first met.

“Grace I have always had feelings for you, you must know that?” As she blushed he took it that she didn’t, and as he sighed and pulled her close he spoke.

“Oh Gracie, I have always loved you. Since the day we met I knew I would never be happy until you were with me.” Kissing her forehead Grace felt loved, wanted and safe like never before. And like never before she felt ready to let someone into her heart again as she pulled away slightly she spoke.

“I feel the same way Peter, I have done since we first met. I never thought you would ever feel the same way about me!” Smiling and blushing at how daft it sounded Grace went to pull away but Boyd pulled her back, for a moment she looked into his eyes questioningly until she saw his cheeky smile.

“Shut up and kiss me Peter.” Was all it took before Boyd took the hint and did as he was instructed to do. Pulling Grace gently into his arms, Boyd’s lips softly touched her own lips as the pair kissed a true lovers kiss under the mistletoe.

As their kissing became more and more passionate, Grace stroked Boyd’s back through his shirt causing his desire to react and show her he was more than a little happy to be there, kissing her back with all the passion he could muster while trying to keep his desires in check Boyd ran his soft hands down Grace’s side as felt how she again shivered and shuddered at his touch. Knowing they should both stop and realising they both had somewhere else to be didn’t seem to be enough for either to want to stop, after all they were both happy and enjoying these emotions and feelings being created by each other deep within their souls. As first Grace, then Boyd’s and finally the office phones rang both knew they must stop. And as both finally pulled away both were more than a little relieved to find the other having just as hard time of catching the breath as the other. In almost silent shock the pair got their stuff and left the office as they reached both their cars Boyd pulled Grace into his arms once more and spoke.
“God Gracie, I love you!” As he held her there in his arms Grace spoke.

“And I love you Peter.” In the silence both didn’t want this moment to end but as their phones rang again both knew it must, getting into his car the pair smiled and kissed once more before heading off in the direction of Frankie’s flat knowing that the kiss they had shared under the mistletoe would last a long time maybe even forever!

In Your Arms I Know I’m Safe. (Grace's Story)

As she got out of her work clothes she couldn’t help but think of what lay ahead for her, well for both of them really. Ever since she had joined the team, Grace had felt the sparks that seemed to almost engulf her when he was nearby. There was no denying she found him physically attractive but it was based on more than just that. But if she was honest with herself she had more than one reason to believe it would never, could never work between the pair. Not least of all the fact that they were colleagues first and friends second, he would never risk his career for a ‘what if?’ Yet if she was honest neither would she, but probably for different reasons than his. Although Grace was always seen to be a strong woman and a very successful one at that she still had the same fears and concerns that most if not all other woman have. It was one of the reasons she had not said anything for such a long time, she was never one hundred per cent sure if he felt anything for her, or if what she felt was enough to risk both their careers on. And her number one main concern was that she felt ugly and that there was no way on earth he could ever love her.

Now as she climbed into the shower knowing that in a few hours he would, hopefully meet her for that drink he had been promising her and knowing that he had indeed felt something for her for all the years they had been working together, she had to admit that she was feeling a little less like the adult she was and more like this love sick teenager that she was currently impersonating! As Grace stood there letting the water rain down upon her body she thought of the first time they had met and how he had made her feel. After some problems in his life the maverick Detective Superintendent Peter Boyd was moved to the newly set up Cold Case Unit, and although most saw this as somewhat of a sideways and dead end move, Peter Boyd was given most of the resources that he had asked for. Including a highly respected team of colleagues, which he hand picked each for their own personalities as well as their reputations. One of the first appointments he had made was Dr. Frankie Wharton, a highly respected and gifted forensics scientist and this was followed up by the appointment of two fellow Police Officers; Mel Silver and Spencer Jordan.

His last appointment was Grace herself and she would often wonder why, although she was well aware of her own abilities as well as his reputation for demanding and getting the best from all who worked under him, Grace had often thought there were other profilers out there that he could easily have asked for. After a few years of working together she had asked him why he had picked her and he just simply answered,

“Because I wanted the best and I have that in you.” If she was honest with herself, it was then that Grace first felt the flutters in her heart that Boyd seemed to have no effort in producing deep within her soul. And is she was honest with herself she wouldn’t want it any other way. The first case she had found herself working on with the team was an old case of Boyd’s and one that seemingly haunted him, she picked up very quickly that he hated being wrong almost as much as he hated admitting his feelings, hopes and fears. Boyd always came across as a tough and strong man, one that you could not only trust but also feel safe with. Grace knew she was right the first time he spoke to her of Joe, his son whom had run away and who’s lose haunted him just as much as his fears.

As Grace emerged from the show and wrapped herself in the huge fluffy towel sitting on the towel rack she thought of how they had first ‘clicked’ when they started working together. Grace had been around long enough to know when a man was flirting with her alone and when he was just a flirt by nature, having said that she had no idea about Boyd who seemingly loved to flirt with all women he came in contact with but who also acted a little different around Grace. As she sat and prepared to get ready for the night out she had been hoping and dreaming of Grace wondered if what she was feeling let alone thinking of doing was a wise move for ‘both’ their careers, it wasn’t like either of them were on the right side of thirty she knew that, but it was still a major risk for the pair of them to take. She was always aware that Boyd may not actually turn up, and this was the one thing that scared her more than the nerves she had going on deep within her. Boyd was notorious for ‘forgetting’ appointments and anything he was unsure of, he was also notorious for being unaware of the ‘signs’ a woman gives off. To say he couldn’t read woman was an understatement, and she knew it.

As Grace dressed and got ready to take the hour drive to where they had arranged to meet she felt a wide range of emotions that she had thought long since died inside her. Fear at him not being there, scared they would be doing the wrong thing, nervous and love sick like she was a young woman again. It had been a long time since she had not only felt like this but also since she had trusted a man enough again to let them into her heart, the last man to have done this was her ex husband whom she had cared for until he passed away for liver cancer in the mid nineties. And the only other man in her life was her ex married colleague, Harry. As she thought of her ex husband and Harry, Grace felt the tears in her eyes that had been threatening to fall ever since this morning when Boyd had asked Grace out for a drink. As she checked herself in the mirror one last time Grace put her best smile on and left her house, as the taxi took her from one side of the city all the way through the bustling streets of London and to the other side of the city all she could think about was if he would really be there!

As she assumed Grace was there first and as she sat at the bar, close to the door but facing away from it she ordered herself a large glass of deep red wine and waited for the call saying he couldn’t make it and that something had come up. They had arranged to meet at half eight but Grace knew that she would be there, alone until at least nine and when half eight came and went she couldn’t help raise a little smile at how well she knew her good friend. And again there was the doubt back in her mind, was she doing the right thing. Could any relationship between us really ever work? Was all that went through her mind as she played with the near empty wine glass in her hands, trying to take her mind off the fear in her mind she ordered herself another drink. Smiling at the barman a genuine smile as he placed the filled glass in front of her and walked off she couldn’t help wish she was anywhere else but her right now, it wasn’t that she didn’t want to be here it was just so that she could cry alone and hide away from the world while her heart broke. And then she heard a slight cough coming from next to her, turning slightly to her right she saw him approaching her and let the smile she felt deep inside her soul show.

“Peter, I didn’t think you would make it!” She said as he greeted her with a peck on the cheek and sat close next to her; while he ordered himself a large glass of deep red wine she inhaled deeply the scent of his aftershave and noted how it was not his usual scent, this made her smile. As they made small talk over their drinks Grace studied him and noted with a smile how he did much the same to her.

“You look stunning tonight Gracie.” Boyd slightly whispered as he moved closer to Grace, it made her blush and feel all warm inside, she couldn’t understand how a man who was so hard and cold sometimes at work could actually be so loving and tender away from work. It always made her smile when she thought of how he was in work, not just with suspects but also his own team; to how he was outside of work. Grace smiled at how Frankie and Mel would have loved to see this, and how Spencer would have tried his hardest not to laugh out loud at how different his Boss was. Smiling still she let her mind wander to the team, of Mel and Frankie and the new girls that had joined them.

If they could see the pair of us now. Thought Grace as she thought of Frankie’s laugh and Mel rolling her eyes while grinning from ear to ear, how Spence would looked almost shocked at the thought of her and Boyd together when all knew that secretly he would be the most pleased that both had found happiness. And although both Felix and Stella had only just joined the team she thought that they too, would hope the pair would be happy together.

“Gracie, are you ok?” Boyd’s question brought her out of her dream like state and she smiled at him as he went on.

“You didn’t seem to be with it for a moment there, is everything ok?” She loved how he cared so much about her and with a genuine smile she told him she was fine and that she was just thinking of the team.

“I have been thinking about Mel and Frankie a lot recently also.” Boyd said as he put his head down and lowered his voice as if he felt they would be overheard, as they sat for a moment in comfortable silence Boyd added how he missed them still.

“I miss them too Peter, but they will always be part of the team you know. There are always there with us in our hearts and thoughts.” Sensing she should stop before the pair of them let all those still hurtful and painful memories out, Grace turned her heard away and tried to fight the tears she wanted to let fall.

“Losing Mel and then Frankie has made me realise just how important my team are to me Gracie.” Boyd said as he looked up at Grace, knowing he had fallen and that he could never forgive himself if she left tonight and he hadn’t told her how he felt truly felt.

“And just how easy it is to lose someone and never having them know how I feel about them. The thoughts of not being able to tell someone I care about that I care about them scares me Gracie!” Boyd was trying with all he had to tell Grace how he felt; he just never thought it would be this hard. As the two friends sat in silence Boyd knew he would have to do something before the night ended, and as the pair moved over to the restaurant and had dinner together both sensed that telling each other how they felt would be a little harder than they both first thought. After what seemed like an age Grace tried to broach the subject.

“I know I don’t always say it but I always feel safe in your company Peter, thank you for that.” Hoping he would get the hint Grace smiled more over the fact that she knew he had no idea when it came to hints!

As the two finished dinner and left Grace slipped her arm instinctively through Boyd’s as they walked to his car, which thankfully was parked some way away. Taking in the beauty of the night Grace felt like she had made the biggest mistake of her life as the silence became obvious between the pair. Half way to his car Boyd spoke.

“Grace I am glad you feel safe with me, I will always try my best to protect you. You know that I care about you and I have strong feelings for you.” Boyd bit his bottom lip as he started to sweat inside at the thought he could only get it all wrong and ruin his career but also lose his friendship with Grace, and that’s what scared him the most. Taking a deep breath Boyd spoke as they headed off again,

“Gracie, you know that we have always been good friends right?” Still biting his bottom lip Boyd was unsure of not only himself but what he was actually going to say to the woman he had fallen totally in love with.

“Yes of course Peter and I am glad that we are.” Wondering why he was skirting around the subject but then of course she realised she too would do much the same.

“You know that I care about you too right, and that I enjoy working with you?” God, why can’t I tell her how I feel? Was all Boyd could think as he tried to find the words he needed and wanted to say.

“Of course I do Peter and you know the feeling is mutual. Why on earth else would I put up with your mood swings, your temper and bad habits!” Although it was said in jest both knew there was a tinge of truth to her words and Boyd knew it, he also knew that it was now or never for him. They were already walking at a snails pace but half way towards his car, so taking a deep breath Boyd swallowed hard and spoke.

“Gracie?” Pausing to gather himself and take another deep breath, he continued after she had made some audible noise that she was indeed listening. I’m in love with you! Was what went through his mind when all he could say was,

“I have very strong feelings for you.” Cursing himself for his own shyness he went to keep walking but Grace had stopped dead in her tracks, he too came to a stand still next to her and they were both silent for a few moments.

“What are you trying to tell me Peter?” Grace said as she realised she may well have to make the first move here. Blind panic flooded her already overloaded mind at this thought, and as she turned to look at Boyd she managed to catch a glimpse of the uncertainty that was in her own eyes; thankfully though she had been able to keep her own feelings closely guarded.

As a very nervous and unconfident Boyd stood stuck to the same spot as, looking in her eyes he spoke.

“Gracie, I think… no, I know I am in love with you.” Was all he could manage as the other words Boyd had deep within him finally got stuck in his throat, he wanted to say more but he just couldn’t. As soon as he’d said it she had felt her heart skip a beat and although all she wanted to do was hug and kiss him all Grace could manage was a cool and calm moment where she silently composed herself and then walked off towards the direction of Boyd’s car. Leaving Boyd stood stuck to the spot and feeling very venerable, just as she arrived at his car Grace who was by now smiling was joined by a very silent Boyd who was by now in two minds as to if he had just done the right thing. As they drove back to Grace’s home in almost silence all Boyd could think was that he had not only made a mistake and ruined his career but also possible lost the friendship of the one woman he needed the most. While all Grace could think about was how she should tell him she felt the same, especially when she was still so unsure of her own beauty and ability.

As they pulled to a halt outside Grace’s house Grace took a deep breath and got ready to admit her own feelings but as she turned to face Boyd she found he had already launched into a full blown apology and was about ready to offer his resignation when she stopped him by putting her fingers to his lips while smiling and shushing him.

“Peter, I feel the same way about you, I am just worried and unsure about any relationship we start.” Pausing to choose her words carefully she continued.

“There will be and is a lot against us if we were to start seeing each other.” Grace knew that deep inside she would never love another man this way and that if she let him go now her heart would undoubtedly break into a million pieces, trying to be strong Grace sighed and went to leave the car. She was stopped by Boyd’s hand upon her arm and his next words.

“Why should we not be together if we love each other and are happy together?” Knowing he was probably right Grace sighed and after settling back into the seat closed her eyes and tilted her head back upon the head rest.

Moving closer towards her Boyd was thankful Grace did the same, after getting this far he wasn’t ready to just give up and walk away so Boyd took the bull by the horns and spoke.

“Grace I love you, be with me?” As his words brought a shocked Grace to awake with a jolt and turn her head towards him Boyd took his chance, moving forward very swiftly he had planted his soft tender lips upon hers before she had the chance to argue or answer him. Thankful she didn’t push him away Boyd began to continue with this soft tender and gentle assault upon her lips getting lost in the moment and the passion with which he was feeling. The passion with which he kissed her Grace felt her heartbeat increasing and her spine tingle, she was almost overwhelmed by the feelings that were being created deep within her soul. Feelings Grace hadn’t felt in a long time, feelings she had thought long since died and those same feelings she was sure Boyd was feeling himself. Both became lost in the moment and would have stayed like this forever had her small cry of pleasure against his lips made him aware of where there were, knowing she must stop but not wanting to Grace let her small cry of pleasure escape from her lips.

As they finally parted from their most passionate embrace Grace was a struggling hard to catch her breath and was more than a little relieved to find that Boyd too was having a hard time trying to catch his breath, as the silence descended upon them both Grace led the way and left the car, closely followed by Boyd who was seemingly still struggling to catch his breath. And now as the stood poised at Grace’s front door, both still a little breathless and still a little unsure both let that comfortable air of silence descend upon the moment. Grace could actually feel herself shaking, so much so that she was sure he could tell she was shaking, looking up into his big brown eyes she noticed how his usual confidence and fire was gone. They were replaced by worry and questioning. It was at that moment Grace knew not only did he feel the same way she felt but he had always felt this way, for as long as she herself had. The other thing she had noticed was that she just seemed to know that things would work out between them and that they would be ok. Smiling a genuine smile, Grace kissed Boyd on the cheek before taking him by the hand and leading him inside. As she shut the door behind them both Grace knew that although it had been a long time she would always be safe in his arms.

In Your Arms I Know I’m Safe. (Boyd's Story)

As he finished getting ready he was in too minds whether he really was doing the right thing or not. It had been nearly ten years now since his wife had left him and even longer since he had been out on a date! That honour went to Jess, the woman he had… ‘been intimate with’ he hated saying it was an affair. That made him sound like an old letch and he hoped he was not that! Since their friendship had ended and Mary left Boyd had not really had time for women, it was not that he did not want to be with somebody or that he was happy it was more a case of he was scared. Scared to death that he would get it all wrong again and he would get hurt once again, maybe he was better off alone? Boyd thought to himself as he sat on the edge of the bed and started to dress, it wasn’t like he was a great catch and he hardly ever had any free time to spare. But then again she must of known that the day she meet him, I mean after all she had seen for herself first hand just what he had to put up with and go though.

As Boyd finished getting ready he could not help but feel nervous and worried, he was like a lovesick teenager! There was no denying he found her attractive and wanted to get closer to him, but after so long would she feel the same way. As he got in his car and took the long drive to where they were to meet his mind drifted back to the day he had meet her. It had been a nasty case he had been dealing with when she first walked into his life, a girl had been abducted and the Police had been contacted but due to various reasons things went wrong and the girl was killed. He always felt like he was to blame for her murder so when, ten years later another girl was taken Boyd wasn’t about to get this one wrong. He drew on his vast experience and knowledge to get the best people working for him and on this case, and that is where she came in! Of all the people he had chosen she was the one he had desperately wanted on his team the most, she was highly respected and he knew if anyone could help him it was her.

Right from the word go they had hit it off and right from the first time he has seen her Boyd had fallen, and fallen hard. It was everything about her, he just could not help it or himself and although they were only ever friends and colleagues he would always wish and hope for more. Boyd just knew deep down inside that if he was to ever find another woman it would be her that could make him happy and make his life right again, he didn’t need anyone to tell him that but when, she had told him he ‘needed a good woman in his life’ he couldn’t help but wish it was herself she talked about. As the car pulled up outside the restaurant Boyd could not help feel the same nervous he had when he asked her for this drink, which soon became dinner! Of course he knew the risks he, well they were both taking! However, after she had stolen his heart so much and knew so much about him how could he ever really let her go? Especially now that he was so close, so close to holding her, touching her, telling her he loved her.

That thought alone scared him; it had been a long time since he had loved anyone let alone told them so. What if she didn’t feel the same way about him? What if she turned him down? How could they ever work together again? Was all that went through his mind as he slowly walked into the bar area and looked around for her, seeing her sat at the bar looking even more stunning that usual. Boyd could feel how hot and sweaty his palms were and as he tried to control his heartbeat and the weak feeling in his legs he slowly took a deep breath and walked over to her side. As he approached he tried to think of what he should say but his mind was completely blank, he had it all work out before he got her but that was then and this is now! Inches away and she turned to face him her deep blue eyes could almost see right through into his soul as she smiled at him, he felt calmed and relaxed. But still unable to speak as his deep brown eyes never left her deep blue ones, they stay like this; just looking into each other’s eyes for ages before she spoke.

“Peter, I thought you weren’t going to make it.” Her soft voice warmed his soul he felt himself blushing as he went to answer her.

“Of course I would be here! Why wouldn’t I?” Trying not to let his nerves and fears show he noted how she was smiling as she spoke.

“Because I know you Peter, I know you find some excuse or other to chicken out!” Smiling he knew she was right, but then again she was always right when it came to him, she always seemed to read him so well. She probably knew how he felt about her but she just wanted him to be a man about it and say something, or maybe she didn’t want to go there because they worked together. And there was his fears and nervousness back again, he would always be unsure about himself at times and although he had very little to be unsure about but there were moments of his life when he just couldn’t help himself. She picked up very quickly on his fears and suggested they have a drink before dinner.

As they sat with their drinks in their hands both relaxed into that comfortable silence both seemed to know so well and although both were happy with this it wasn’t getting either of them anywhere nearer to where they both wanted and needed to be. As the night continued they talked as normal about everything and anything, as they sat down to dinner the same thing occurred and the pair would find comfort in the silence and any conversation but what they wanted and needed to talk about. Deep inside she wanted to say something, every since Mel had died she had known he had feelings for her, but he would never bring it up. It was her he had sought comfort with when he needed it most and it was he she wanted, she had always felt this way about him. Every since she first came to work for him, he was the kind of guy that could restore her faith in men and possible the only man that could love her. When Mel died she had been devastated by it; they all had but while she tried to be the strong one for Boyd and all the team when she needed someone too and the only one she could go to was the one man who needed her most.

As the evening drew to a close both knew they each had to say something or this evening would be lost, forever destined to be just another night out with ‘a friend and colleague.’ While neither wanted to be the first to go down this line of conversation neither wanted the night to be like that. As Boyd walked her back to his car she took a deep breath and spoke.

“You know Peter; I never really say how safe you make me feel. I know we are friends and colleagues, but I have always felt safe and comfortable in your company. I should say that more often.” Taking another deep breath she hoped and prayed he would get the idea and that she hadn’t just made a huge mistake. Smiling slightly, Boyd took a deep breath and said what had been on his mind since they first met.

“I want you to always feel safe with me. I know we are just colleagues and friends, but I have been in love with you since we first met.”

Although he wanted to say more the words got stuck in his throat and he found himself stood silently trying to get the words out as she stopped dead in her tracks and for a few moments was silent, before she continued to walk off to Boyd’s car leaving Boyd where he stood still silent and shocked. All he could thing was he had just done the wrong thing and he was about to screw it all up again, following her to his car and unlocking it they got in and drove off in silence. Oh God what have I done? Was all that went through his mind as they drove off, while all she thought was if she was about to do the right thing by letting any type of loving physical relationship happen between the two of them. Of course she already knew the answer to that one, she loved him just as much as he seemed to love her but of course there would be fears; it was only natural. This would also be the first time she had ever made the first move and if she was honest, even though she knew how he felt about her she was still scared.

As Boyd pulled to a halt outside her house, the fear had reached an all time high and he was about ready to apologise to her and offer his resignation as an apology, turning to face her Boyd sensed she was about to speak; he got in there first.

“Look, I’m sorry if I have said the wrong thing and made you uncomfortable. The last thing I want is to ruin our friendship or working relationship.” As he was about to add he was happy to resign she spoke.

“Peter, I feel the same way about you! I always have. I just needed to make sure I wasn’t about to regret this.” Pausing she noted his confused look and spoke again.

“Peter, I love you and I know I will always feel safe in your arms." Smiling at him she took his hand and moved towards his lips, without stopping to let her nervous kick in she kissed him. Softly and gently upon the lips, she felt how his shock turned into comfort and then desire and he softly and tenderly kissed her back.

Pulling away slightly she felt relaxed in the comfortable silence that fell between them. As he walked her to the door, Boyd hesitated at the door. Wanting to go further but unsure if he should he stood there while she took his hand and kissed him again. As she pulled away from his kiss she went to speak but he shushed her lips with his fingers and gently stroked her lips with his fingertips, smiling at her he all he could do was mumble.

“Oh Gracie.” Softly and quietly, as she took him by the hand and led her into her home both knew what they want and both knew the kiss they had just shared would never end in just a kiss. As they stood in her living room both kissed a true lovers kiss, one that both knew would never end and both knew this was right for both of them. Their love and passion for one another was no long in doubt and no longer would either of them be alone again.

Next morning Grace awoke to the unfamiliar feeling of Boyd’s arm around her waist as she leaned up against his solid naked warm chest, and although he was spooning her she could tell he was awake and smiling. Smiling back she turned slightly and silently looked at this gorgeous man lying next to her.

“Good morning beautiful, did you sleep well baby?” Boyd said as he gently kissed her neck. Moving her head slightly Grace nodded and spoke.

“It was the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a very long time.” As the comfortable silence once again descended upon them, Grace shut her eyes and cuddled further into Boyd’s chest. Moments later the rhythmic beeps of her alarm took both that it was time for work, still smiling both dressed and left for work.

“Do we say anything to the team?” It had been on both of their minds but it was Grace that finally said it. He had known it was coming but he still had no idea how to answer it.

“I am happy to keep quiet if you are.” Ok that wasn’t completely true, if he was honest with himself all Boyd really wanted to do was shout it from the roof tops that he loved this beautiful woman next to him. But he was also well aware that with the team almost falling apart still and the top brass out to get the Unit it may not be ‘that’ easy and God forbid it ever happened but the decision could be taken from his hands. Grace smiled to herself knowing that he wasn’t telling her the complete truth, she knew deep down he wanted to shout it from the roof tops and if she was honest she too herself wanted to do the same!As they pulled up to the Unit they were both still involved in the familiar comfortable silence both knowing neither need to say anymore but both wanting to.

“I don’t feel like we should be hiding our feelings and relationship Peter, we are adults after all.” The moment she walked in all the team would know something was wrong anyway, so why hide from them all Grace thought to herself. Taking her hand in his Boyd sat there silently smiling knowing it was what he had wanted since last night and knowing it was the right thing he took Grace in his arms and kissed her with such passion she could almost feel her heart melting.

“I love you Gracie, I always have. No hiding ok?” Boyd said as they pulled away from each other and got out of the car.“No hiding Peter! I love you too.” Grace answered as the quickly kissed and entered the Unit, arms around each other unsure what their team would think but knowing they both felt safe in each other’s arms.

Untitled Rage... Caged Fury... Painful Hurt.

I am hurt.
I am angry.

I am lost and I am lonely.
I want help finding my way.
Need help finding my way!

Here I sit this nice, kind, caring person.
With heart of gold and friendly nature.
I give all to everyone, and rarely get anything back.
But still I don't mind, still I give all that I have.
No ulterior motives, no underlying reasons.
Just because...

But now the hurt and pain are rife.
Now my heart is dying inside.
I am filled with a rage and anger I have never felt before.
Ready to explode with a violent fury.
The likes of which I have never seen or felt before.
How did this happen and when did it change?
Is this really me and how my life has changed?

I feel wounded now and want to cry.
I long for the time when my tears no longer fall.
I long for the day when I don’t wake up wishing I were dead.
Oh how I long for that day; and the day when I don’t have to fight.
My emotions are no longer my own.
Were they ever mine in the first place?

One moment I can be up; happy and glad.
The next I am down; angry and sad.
Will I ever be free, will the pain ever stop?
How can I fix these feelings inside of me?
Will it really take my death for them to see;
That all I ever need to be was me?